https://medium.com/@lockett.sully096/alone-from-birth-62e22019b6c7#.vtsk8nd88

This has the potential to be a very interesting story. A couple of points:

  • This story needs to answer one simple question: Why are we reading it? What is it about this story that is generally compelling? Why does Kroenke-Bryant thing you’re writing it, for example, and why did she agree to be part of it? Presumably, there is something about her story that she feels could be significant or helpful to others. What is it?
  • Along these lines: Rather than you speculating about what role adoption played in Kroenke-Bryant’s problem, why not ask her? Whatever she says, she will be discussing her own life, which is far better than you speculating. I mean “as the product of an affair” would be enough to be troublesome, no? Adopted or not? These are questions you need to put to her.
  • You shift back and forth between past and present tense. This story should be written in the past tense.
  • The subheads are too big. They interfere with the flow of the story.
  • The map doesn’t work. Why are we following her trajectory from one place to the other? It doesn’t tell us anything that gives any particular insight into her story. What else can you do to help illustrate this story? I think we talked about adoption laws and states where adoptees don’t have access to their records (birth certificates, for instance). Is this something K-B wants? If so, this could be a good graphic to go with this story.