The controversy concerning oral sex addresses whether it is actually sex or not because it is oftentimes talked about as being the “real deal” and other times it is not considered so. Rhonda Chittenden, a sexuality educator believes that oral sex does indeed count as sex. Chittenden states it is ahistorical to not treat oral sex as sex and by doing so, it negates the sexual practices of people who are not able to or do not engage in what is traditionally considered sex, that is, penis-vagina interaction. She also believes that oral sex can be considered a form of sexual assault and is likely to lead to sexually transmitted diseases. Chittenden addresses the idea of manhood and how boys are losing out on the opportunity to achieve manhood because of the negative implications oral sex puts on them. She also believes oral sex does not lead to respect, popularity, or love, which is especially damaging for girls. It is necessary that girls be able to refuse oral sex in order for their health to not be damaged. Girls should focus on empowering themselves sexually instead of empowering others. Lastly, Chittenden believes adults can use conversations regarding oral sex in order to provide support and guidance.

Nora Gelperin, a sexuality trainer, believes that it is unnecessary and harmful for adolescents  to use adult definitions to define acts of intimacy, but that instead, adults should be helping adolescents understand what they are comfortable doing and not doing. Gelperin points out that there is no scientific data stating that adolescents are engaging in oral sex at higher levels now than in the past. She states oral sex allows adolescents to avoid sex, pregnancy, and infections and it is unjust for adults to tell adolescents that oral sex does count as sex in order for them to stop engaging in it. Gelperin addresses whether oral sex signifies the loss of virginity. She asserts that it is best that adolescents themselves decide what defines sex, virginity, and intercourse instead of forcing teens to put these things into labels and categories that adults define for them. The idea of virginity signifies something different for boys, girls, and members of the LGBQ community and may not allow adolescents to come to terms with it. Gelperin addresses oral sex in terms of intimacy by stating that adults believe oral sex is more intimate that penis-vagina intercourse while many adolescents find it is less intimate. To summarize, Gelperin feels that since adolescents are living in a teen culture, it is harmful to expect them to live by the definitions of the adult world.

I found Nora Gelperin’s argument more convincing because her arguments made more sense to me. I agree with her logic that was is most beneficial for adolescents if for them to assess their own values and decide what they are comfortable doing instead of pushing adolescents to put themselves in categories they do not understand. Adolescents should be given information regarding sexual behavior and the risks and benefits that accompany the behaviors so they can decide for themselves what actions they wish to participate in and what it would mean if they do. I think this would be the most empowering for adolescents. I did not find Rhona Chittenden’s arguments convincing because I felt they were a bit extreme. I believe that if Gelperin’s approach of allowing individuals to label behaviors as they line up with their own personal morals would eliminate the problem of people feeling like their sexual behaviors are invalidated.  I also do not agree with Chittenden’s argument that because oral sex can be considered sexual assault and can  lead to sexually transmitted diseases, it should be stopped. If things that can be considered sexual harassment should stop being performed then every sexual behavior would be banned. Instead of saying oral sex is sex because it can have negative consequences, adolescents should be taught about the consequences so they can make informed decisions.

It is a little hard to relate this topic back to my own personal experiences because I have never given or received oral sex. I would imagine, though, that if I had engaged in oral sex when I was younger, I would have been very confused and misinformed. Even know most of my friends are misinformed about oral sex. I personally don’t consider oral sex as being sex. I see it as a sexual act but not anything more than that. Most of the people I know don’t consider oral sex as sex but I do think it varies from person to person. I don’t think that people who believe differently from me are wrong because I think we each have our own reasons for the way we think the way we do. This topic of oral sex reminded me of when we talked about the media’s influence in class because oral sex is something that is often talked about in the media as this big, bad, phenomenon. I disagree with this because the media is just further perpetuating the idea that in some situations, sexual acts are bad, and this is an unhealthy attitude to teach adolescents. If adolescents come to this conclusion by themselves, that is different.  Oral sex is an example of what occurs when the media grabs hold of a concept and runs with it.