Head to Head

By Jessica Bagwell

I sit
holding back tears
                     failing.
You ask me a question,
but I can’t answer with
any semblance of strength.

You sit
                     next to me,
not looking into my eyes.
Perhaps afraid of what you might find there.

                     You lean your head against mine
and I close my eyes as
our foreheads touch.

The intimacy of this moment
feels inappropriate
                     in this public setting.

                     But I need this reprieve
as the flow of energy in your mind
calms the flow of energy in mine.

My eyes
                     are not simply shut
but they are shut tightly.

                     Lest they open and
destroy the tranquility.
                     Lest they open and
acknowledge the reality of time
in this moment.

And in one breath,
I am swept away.
And in one breath
my mortality has reached me
                     I am suffocating.

Because our heads will pull apart
                     and I will leave this place

                     yet somehow,
it will feel like you are leaving me
in favor of something greater.

And even in such a moment,
the words
                     ‘I Love You’
feel too heavy on my lips.

Is this foolish pride,
Or am I holding onto
                     some distant truth?
I don’t know.

I don’t know if I want to,
I don’t know what will be said
                     but in the eternity that
                     is stolen from now

                     our heads lean against
and I find peace in this act.

 

Jessica Bagwell is a proponent of life, poetry, and truth. Drawing inspiration from the places that she’s been and the people that she’s known, she crafts her reality into words that can give it a deeper meaning. Lost in the madness of space and time, poetry serves as her grounding force. Born and raised in San Antonio, Texas, she’s at home on the back of a horse or in a field of wildflowers. She is studying Writing & Rhetoric, and hopes to become a full-time writer in one capacity or another.

Photo by Marcos Morales.

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