Books & Bottles

Depression and anxiety in graduate students are on the rise. In a survey of 50,000, 86% reported feeling levels of anxiety (Nature.com). Depression and anxiety affect 10% of pregnant women, and about 13% of women who have just given birth. These numbers are higher in populations that experience poverty (WHO). Between the stress that comes along with graduate studies, the pressures of being a mother, and adapting to a global epidemic, it is increasingly important that mothers who are graduate students implement mental health and wellness into their strategy.

In some states, unemployment rates are nearly 30% according to Forbes. The impact COVID-19 has had on the United States’ economy has many students anxious about job prospects upon graduation, job security if they are currently employed, and securing university positions to help fund their education. Additionally, with headlines such as How Coronavirus Could do Real, Long-Term Damage to Women’s Careers, it is no wonder mothers in particular are feeling depressed and anxious. The article states, “June unemployment numbers show that 11.2% of women over age 20 are unemployed, which is a full percentage point higher than male unemployment in that same age group, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ most recent jobs report.”

There are many things graduate school moms can keep in their tool kit to keep their mental health in check. A healthy routine that incorporates productive time management, boundary setting, self-care, realistic goal setting, and a therapist or friend to talk to are vital to controlling depression in anxiety while in grad school during a pandemic.

Establishing a routine sends signals to your brain that it is time to accomplish something. It allows you to structure your time in a way that sets expectations for yourself and communicates what you need to get done to others so that accommodations can be made. It is important to take into consideration your child’s needs, your obligations with work and school, and your partner’s needs and obligations when establishing a routine. This will help ensure all considerations are made. Because there are a lot of more moving parts to our days, having a routine that allows for flexibility can help alleviate a lot of stress.

Setting boundaries is an important piece of any healthy relationship. You need to recognize your boundaries with work, school, and your personal relationships and clearly communicate them to others. Having boundaries does not make you any less of a mother, student, employee, or partner. Knowing and communicating what you have the bandwidth for can help you be more effective, and thus help you succeed.

Most people consider self-care as a bubble bath and a glass of wine. That is definitely self-care. But self-care is a lot more than that. It is continuously taking inventory of your body and your emotions, assessing your needs, celebrating your big and small wins, communicating effectively, and working in activities that are proven to reduce stress, such as exercise. Exercise is a great way to distract yourself from stressors, work out frustration while improving your physical health.

The feeling of checking off things from a to-do list is incredibly gratifying. It is a great way to remain on task and to prioritize. Another way to feel accomplished is to set daily, weekly, or monthly goals that are attainable. It can be things that are simple, like making time to work out during your lunch break or waking up early to get dressed and wash your face. Goal setting is a great opportunity to reframe tasks that we need to complete for our mental health, but might be hard to prioritize when we are juggling so much in our day between work, school, kids, cleaning, cooking, and all the other things that are continuously on our never-ending to-do list.

While the above-mentioned things are important things, we can do to maintain our mental health, it is important to know that it is okay to not be okay. Graduate studies are stressful in and of themselves. Motherhood is stressful in and of itself. Working is often stressful in and of itself. Adapting to a pandemic is stressful in and of itself. Reconciling all of these things for ourselves and our children is an unprecedented position that parents are now in. All the different parts of our world are colliding, and it is okay to not be okay. And if you are not okay, it is okay to have a therapist. It is okay to have a therapist if your worlds are not colliding. It is okay to have a therapist if you feel okay. It is okay to have a therapist if you do not think you need a diagnosis but just want someone to talk to. Going to therapy does not mean that there is something wrong with you. It does not mean that you will be diagnosed with anything. And it does not mean that if you are diagnosed with something that that is going to make you less. It is a resource that many people use, and many more people should use whether it is weekly or monthly. It is okay to go to therapy.

Brian Dyson, former CEO of Coca-Cola is famously quoted when talking about work-life balance. He states that work-life balance is about balancing multiple balls and recognizing that some of those balls are glass and some are rubber. You can drop a rubber work ball and it will be okay, but you cannot drop a glass family ball, because it will be damaged. Today, with work, life, and school all seeming to blend together, it is important to realize that sometimes a glass ball needs to be a rubber ball. And sometimes a rubber ball needs to be a glass ball. As mothers, we all want to prioritize our children before everything, but sometimes certain tasks are more important and timelier. Communicating that someone needs to wait for you to take care of something before you tend to them does not mean you dropped a glass ball.

It is normal to feel overwhelmed, anxious and even depressed when you are a mother and a graduate student. Being aware of your needs, prioritizing, managing your time, and setting boundaries are important pieces to everyday life that can help you feel more in control. Communicating your boundaries and recognizing where and when they limit you can help you recognize when it is important to ask for help. Partners, professors, friends, and therapists are valuable resources. There’s a lot to handle, but you are capable, and you are not alone.

References:

Boorstin, J. (2020, July 15). How coronavirus could do real, long-term damage to women’s careers. Retrieved from https://www.cnbc.com/2020/07/14/how-coronavirus-could-do-long-term-damage-to-womens-careers.html

Katie LanginSep. 4, 2., Katie LanginAug. 20, 2., Katie LanginSep. 4, 2., Elisabeth PainMar. 21, 2., & June Gruber, J. J. (2020, September 04). As the pandemic erodes grad student mental health, academics sound the alarm. Retrieved from https://www.sciencemag.org/careers/2020/09/pandemic-erodes-grad-student-mental-health-academics-sound-alarm

Klebnikov, S. (2020, May 23). These 10 States Have The Highest Record Unemployment Rates. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/sergeiklebnikov/2020/05/23/these-10-states-have-the-highest-record-unemployment-rates/#c90e47f568ee

Maternal mental health. (2015, February 20). Retrieved from https://www.who.int/mental_health/maternal-child/maternal_mental_health/en/#:~:text=Worldwide about 10% of pregnant,and 19.8% after child birth.

Reh, F. J. (2019). Instead of Work-Life Balance, Consider Work-Life Flexibility. Retrieved from https://www.thebalancecareers.com/work-life-balance-and-juggling-glass-and-rubber-balls-2275864

The mental health of PhD researchers demands urgent attention. (2019, November 13). Retrieved from https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-019-03489-1