STORYBOARD:
“I took an inside look to into Cabra to see how the fall issue of cabra will come to be, but first I wanted to learn more about cabra and what makes it so different and diverse.”
**Shots / Audio
-Christopher welcoming the models to the auditions
-CABRA meeting
“First, I sat down with Ysenia Valdez who is the creator of cabra, who started it at the beginning of fall semester 2015 to understand what makes cabra so different and the message of CABRA.”
**Shots / Audio
-Ysenia’s interview of what made her start CABRA and how it compares to other school fashion magazines.
-Her role now that she has stepped down and passed the editor-in-chief position to Ethan Cummins.
**Shots
-Shot of Ethan Cummins at auditions talking to models
-Shots of Ethan at the meeting
“Ethan Cummins who is the current editor in chief of the magazine explained to me how he feels about taking the reins from Ysenia and keeping the message of cabra alive and breathing”
“The fall 2016 issue will be out around dead week, just before finals, and those at Cabra cannot wait to show St. Edward’s the current fashion that’s happening around them.”
**Shots:
-Cabra Meeting
-Audio:Ethan’s interview
“Today is auditions at St. Edward’s University, and these young men and women are all hoping to join the magazine, but sadly not everyone can make it through. But Christopher Gonzalez, who is in charge of casting explained to me how models are chosen and I was surprised to hear his methods of selecting students to fit the Cabra look.”
“Christopher Gonzalez, who is in charge of casting walked me through the process of how he chooses the models and his role at cabra.”
**Audio: Chris interview
**Shots:
-models talking/laughing
-models walking into audition
-models getting their picture taken
“Some models I talked to at the auditions told me what they thought about cabra, and it seems like the message of cabra resonates with them and prompted them to audition to be a part of this diverse and artistic fashion magazine”
**-models getting interviewed
“I asked two students auditioning for the magazine to see if they agree about what CABRA”
**Shots/Audio:
-shots of the physical copy of magazine
-shots of models
-shot of online magazine scrolling
“But even though CABRA is welcoming, just like in the world of fashion not everyone can make the cut”
**- shot of model walking out of room
“It seems that those at CABRA are doing exactly what Ysenia wanted the magazine to be, but she had no idea it would grow into such a large campus organization.”
**Audio clip of Ysenia telling me about how she never expected the magazine to get so big, but how happy she is with it.
“Diverse, artistic, fresh, and what’s in style is what CABRA wants to show the campus of St. Edward’s. The issue will hit the shelves a week before finals so everyone can enjoy and see the current fashion that walks the campus.”
CUNEO
[With the shots I have now I have 2:40]
[also I have 5 audio interviews]
October 6, 2016 at 3:59 pm
I like the video I’m imagining in my head. My main suggestion is to make all your voice over audios shorter. Use active voice and don’t give too much info about their title/role, because you will likely have a TK in the video. Subject, verb, noun. Try to keep the overall video between 1:30-2:00 minutes max. Also, don’t say “don’t” or negative words, put a positive to say “Do this” instead. Also, SEU style guide doesn’t like when you use St. Edward’s as a possessive because then it sounds awkward saying “St. Edward’s’s.”
STORYBOARD:
“I took an inside look to into Cabra to see how the fall issue of cabra will come to be, but first I wanted to learn more about cabra and what makes it so different and diverse.”
“Let’s take an inside look into what makes St. Edward’s University fashion magazine Cabra different and diverse.”
“First, I sat down with Ysenia Valdez who is the creator of cabra, who started it at the beginning of fall semester 2015 to understand what makes cabra so different and the message of CABRA.”
“Cabra creator Ysenia Valdez started Carbra in 2015 with a specific message/goal.”
“Ethan Cummins who is the current editor in chief of the magazine explained to me how he feels about taking the reins from Ysenia and keeping the message of cabra alive and breathing”
“Valdez passed the reins to Ethan Cummins who is the current editor in chief. His goal now is to keep Cabra’s message alive and breathing.”
“The fall 2016 issue will be out around dead week, just before finals, and those at Cabra cannot wait to show St. Edward’s the current fashion that’s happening around them.”
Don’t say dead week or cannot wait. “The Fall 2016 issue will be on stands just before finals week, and those at Cabra are excited to show the [better descriptive adjective] fashion at St. Edward’s.”
“Today is auditions at St. Edward’s University, and these young men and women are all hoping to join the magazine, but sadly not everyone can make it through. But Christopher Gonzalez, who is in charge of casting explained to me how models are chosen and I was surprised to hear his methods of selecting students to fit the Cabra look.”
“At Cabra auditions, [say number of people auditioning] men and women hope to join, but only a few make the cut. Christopher Gonzalez is in charge of casting, and explains his selecting methods.”
“Some models I talked to at the auditions told me what they thought about cabra, and it seems like the message of cabra resonates with them and prompted them to audition to be a part of this diverse and artistic fashion magazine”
“Some models said the message of Cabra resonates with them, prompting them to be a part of it.”
“But even though CABRA is welcoming, just like in the world of fashion not everyone can make the cut” Take out “But” at the beginning.
“It seems that those at CABRA are doing exactly what Ysenia wanted the magazine to be, but she had no idea it would grow into such a large campus organization.”
“Diverse, artistic, fresh, and what’s in style is what CABRA wants to show the campus of St. Edward’s. The issue will hit the shelves a week before finals so everyone can enjoy and see the current fashion that walks the campus.”
Very detailed and thought-out critique, Amanda. It was the height of generosity to storyboard this all out for Raffi (not necessary, but, I hope, helpful for her). What about the overall focus of the story? What story is she telling or wanting to tell? Did you discuss that? I think you want to address that in your critique.