I think the intro could be a little rephrased – sure there probably aren’t many Islamic schools in town but that doesn’t necessarily mean one would never expect to see one here.
“One of such schools is Austin Peace Academy – an Islamic school here in Austin” seems a little redundant since the city is already in the title, so you don’t necessarily need to say “here in Austin.” Perhaps this could be changed to “One such school is Austin Peace Academy – an Islamic school in East Austin.”
It’s great that you included how much tuition is and how many students attend the school. I’m not sure if you’re planning on this, but if you could speak to both a parent about their experience as a community member as well as a student about their experience attending the school, it would add more depth. I’m also a bit curious about whether or not most families that send their children to Austin Peace Academy come from the same place or if they come from all over.
What are the other projects they take on?
99% of their graduates going on to attend college seems like a pretty big deal. Is there a way to find out what most of them go on to study?
Overall, I really like where you’re going with this story. Too often, Muslims are only portrayed in the media as a means of perpetuating the misconception that Islam fuels extremism. I like that you’re focusing on an aspect of Islamic culture and the Muslim identity in the context of Austin.
Very good critique, Sarah. I read your peer review only after I offered mine and we are on the same page about some main points – the lead, the need for additional sources. I hadn’t focused on that 99 percent college statistic, but whenever I hear a stat that seems to be a bit too good to be true, I want to ask more questions. Where do they go to college, for example?
November 4, 2016 at 7:04 pm
I think the intro could be a little rephrased – sure there probably aren’t many Islamic schools in town but that doesn’t necessarily mean one would never expect to see one here.
“One of such schools is Austin Peace Academy – an Islamic school here in Austin” seems a little redundant since the city is already in the title, so you don’t necessarily need to say “here in Austin.” Perhaps this could be changed to “One such school is Austin Peace Academy – an Islamic school in East Austin.”
It’s great that you included how much tuition is and how many students attend the school. I’m not sure if you’re planning on this, but if you could speak to both a parent about their experience as a community member as well as a student about their experience attending the school, it would add more depth. I’m also a bit curious about whether or not most families that send their children to Austin Peace Academy come from the same place or if they come from all over.
What are the other projects they take on?
99% of their graduates going on to attend college seems like a pretty big deal. Is there a way to find out what most of them go on to study?
Overall, I really like where you’re going with this story. Too often, Muslims are only portrayed in the media as a means of perpetuating the misconception that Islam fuels extremism. I like that you’re focusing on an aspect of Islamic culture and the Muslim identity in the context of Austin.
Very good critique, Sarah. I read your peer review only after I offered mine and we are on the same page about some main points – the lead, the need for additional sources. I hadn’t focused on that 99 percent college statistic, but whenever I hear a stat that seems to be a bit too good to be true, I want to ask more questions. Where do they go to college, for example?