Category: Humor

This Ketchup To Fry Ratio Is A Serious Problem

Fast food is like crack-once you put that first fry into your mouth all hell breaks loose. There is no stopping that food baby that is about to grow from one week to 9 months in, lets be honest here, a span of minutes. Whether you enjoy that creepy dude Jack in the Box’s curly fries or Mickey D’s hot and crunchy fries that are really only good for one second, there comes a moment in everyone’s life when they must try P. Terry’s.

If I could eat P. Terry’s everyday, I would; however, loading my body with several tons of shoe string fries is not in my best interest. Now, normally I speed through a fast food restaurant-if I can I even call it that-as fast as I can, while covering my surroundings with my peripherals, to make sure no one I possibly know sees me. However, when it comes to P. Terry’s I make sure to get the whole shabang for my buck.

We all know that one moment when we finish our sauce only to realize we still have ¾ of our fries left. I mean it almost ruins the whole point of consuming the 10:1 oil to actual food ratio. It worries me so much that I make sure to ask for EXTRA fist fulls of sauce just to be safe, because you never know how many times you will want to double dip. I have perfected this art, since P. Terry’s is always stingy with their sauce, to the point where my kitchen drawer is now a black hole for unopened ketchup packets because I can never actually offer them to the public. As for me, opening that drawer at 2 am after a long night is like waking up on Christmas morning… only to ketchup…

I Told My Kid I Ate All Their Halloween Candy

Halloween is by far one of my favorite holidays. My favorite part as a child was trick-or-treating. Not just that, though. The best part of it all was running to my room with my sister, after hours of going house to house collecting as much candy as my bag could hold without breaking, and dumping out everything to see the final result. We would sit in our room for hours, comparing each of our bags and trading the pieces we didn’t want, stuffing our faces with more candy than either of our stomachs could handle.

For the past two years, Jimmy Kimmel issued a challenge to all parents to: tell your children you ate all their Halloween candy, film the whole thing and then post it to YouTube. Previous years the challenge became famous, gaining over 34 million views. Since there was such a great response, he decided to do it again this year.

Here is the clip

Despite the last three kids’ remarks, one of whom says, “Its alright, I just want you to feel happy,” I, honestly, would have probably been one of those kids to throw a huge fit. I hope everyone had a great Halloween!

Halloween Candy

Cooking is fun… I guess

One of my favorite things in this world is food. During the day, I eat… at night, I eat… and when I’m home doing homework, I, of course, have the food network on 24/7. Honestly, how many of you can say that you don’t like eating… I mean unless you just totally hate food… and in that case… well, I’m sorry.

Since I’m a broke college student and all, I don’t have the luxury of going out to eat all the time, so instead I’ve found this love for cooking. That isn’t to say that I’ve never cooked before and that I am completely incapable of doing so, unlike my sister, but every now and then I find a day where I pretend that I’m an amazing chef… I find that I have so many friends on days like these… weird, I know…

Any who… I know I should be studying and all, but sometimes my computer just calls to me… OPEN ME… it’s almost like it has this unnatural power over me where I just can’t seem to say no. So, naturally, I open my laptop where I find myself on other blogging sites, mainly ones that revolve around food.

Two of my favorite sites, that I visit at least once a day… sometimes more, are and

I mean seriously, these things just shouldn’t exist. Once I open these sites, I’m in a complete trance. I can’t seem to close the web browser… I really just have no idea how it happens… it’s truly magical. As soon as you’re there, these pictures pop up, nearly out of the page. Its like, if you put your tongue to the computer screen you can taste the food… almost… not like I do that or anything… maybe…

I was really craving doughnuts today… maybe it was because I live literally right next to Krispy Kreme and can see it outside of my window… but decided I didn’t want to give in and today would be the perfect day to have something homemade. So I have this folder on my desktop with over 100 recipes in it… its kind of bad. Just like some people collect stamps or have these things called hobbies or whatever… well I collect recipes. So naturally, I go to open my folder and I’m scrolling through it and remember I saved this recipe for Cinnamon and Sugar Ricotta Fritters that I told myself I would try sooner or later.

Well let me tell you… it was seriously the best decision I have EVER made… plus it took less than an hour to make, so really you have no excuse to not try it. I know, ricotta in a doughnut you may ask… its weird right? I thought so too… but no… it is the lightest, fluffiest thing I have ever had. So for all of you out there who are too worried to consume any calories… just think of it as eating air… but better.

Here is the recipe that I “stole” from A Cozy Kitchen… I made one batch covered with cinnamon and sugar and the other I covered in powdered sugar… either way its delicious:

Fritters:
Vegetable Oil
3 large eggs
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1/4 teaspoon McCormick Gourmet pure vanilla extract
1 cup whole milk ricotta cheese
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder

Topping:
1/4 cup white granulated sugar
4 tablespoons McCormick ground cinnamon

1. In a cast iron skillet (or saucepan), heat 2 inches of vegetable oil to 350˚F. Line a large baking sheet with a few layers of paper towels and set near the saucepan.

2. Meanwhile, in a large bowl, mix together the eggs, granulated sugar and vanilla; add the ricotta and beat until smooth. In another bowl, mix the flour and baking powder. Add the flour mixture to the egg mixture and mix until just combined.

3. Add sugar and cinnamon to a plate and toss. Place near the stove, as you’re going to want to toss the hot doughnuts in the mixture.

4. Using a small ice cream scoop or 2 teaspoons, slide 8 walnut-size rounds of batter into the hot oil. Fry over moderate heat until golden brown all over and cooked through, 3 to 4 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the fritters to the paper towels to drain. Immediately roll them in to the cinnamon and sugar mixture and serve. Continue frying the remaining fritters in batches of 8.

Recipe adapted from Gale Gand

Yields 16 fritters

Airplane Windows that Don’t Open…A Real Problem…

I’m not one to go into an election with a preset notion about which side I’m for or against. I would rather see what both parties have to offer and then make my final decision. Mitt Romney has, much like Sarah Palin, been ridiculed for many things he has said. I get so mad because he just makes it so frustratingly hard to not laugh at some of things he says. I mean… I’m sure he’s a nice guy and all, and would make a great president, but come on… GIVE ME SOMETHING…. Semi-smart… so I don’t think you’re a complete idiot.

Okay, so maybe I’m being a little harsh… I say a lot of ridiculous things that I wouldn’t want people to take me seriously from… but then again, I’m not running for presidency. I mean maybe he is just joking… in a weird way that really no one understands except him…  I’ll let you decide for yourself…

Rachel Maddow Mocks Mitt Romney For Complaining Airplanes 

“When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly, there’s no — and you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem.” – Mitt Romney

After watching this video, however, I realized that much of what he said here, as well as the tone of his voice, makes me realize that he is, in fact, joking… I think? Reading what Mr. Romney said and listening to it, are two different things. I find that this happens a lot these days when it comes to social media or texting/emailing. Someone who doesn’t know you may not know the tone you are trying to use.

I think the problems with presidential elections are that A: the media over exaggerates everything and will do anything to find a way to make you look bad; and B: you never know if what you say will be taken in the wrong way or out of context. Its almost as if this whole thing is a total joke… Like maybe they should just wear paper bags over their heads or put duct tape on their mouths any time they are in public…

Really… then again… maybe I’m wrong and he is being serious. I doubt he would joke about his wife being in a plane accident… either way; the mockery on the Internet has been quite entertaining because of it…

There aren’t enough days in the weekend…

 

So, you see, there is this little thing I like to call College, which consumes my life 9 out of 12 months every year. I mean it has its perks. You get to meet people, and be social… I guess… you go to those things called parties… where you meet more people. Basically, its just this big place where you meet people non stop and really just don’t remember their names… but, you also have to stay up until, well, always, because you never get sleep.

I quite honestly like to sleep. It’s actually something I LOVE to do… just wish I got more of it, you know? Who needs sleep, though, right? Wrong. I got no sleep at all this week… it was terrible… no, worse than terrible (insert word worse than terrible).

So why did I get no sleep, you ask? Well… my professors must love me SO much that they decide to give me unmanageable amounts of work, with humanly unheard of deadlines, where its physically impossible to sleep in order to get everything in on time… it takes over my life… literally… anyways…  What ever happened to those articles that told us we NEED sleep in order to be academically successful? Normally I wouldn’t be such an insomniac or walking zombie; but, at this point, I really just have no other choice.

This is why I love Thursdays…I’m Free At Last… It’s seriously my favorite day of the week. I know it should probably be Friday, but I only have class Monday through Thursday… so you see my point… Thursdays are technically the start to my weekend. Before I start my weekend… I will kindly take the time to let you know about some of my personal favorite happy hour specials going on tonight in Austin… Just remember… 1:30 AM Peckerheads never fails.

SOHO:

$1 Well Drinks ALL Night

The Library:

$1 Domestic bottles

$2 Import bottles

$1 Wells

$2.50 U Call Its til 11 PM

Dizzy Rooster:

$2 Wells

$2 Any Bud Product

$3 Domestics

$2 World Famous Dizzy Rooster Jell-O shots

512 Bar:

$3 Wells All Night

Chuggin’ Monkey:

$2 Wells

$3 Bomb Hideous/Jager/Tuaca/All Bacardi Flavors

$3 Domestics

$1 Tall Boys

Gangnam Style v. UT Style

Unless you have no idea how this whole social media thing works, but chances are if you’re reading this you probably do, then you’ve seen, Korean pop sensation, PSY’s highly eccentric and entertaining “Gangnam Style” video… you’ve also probably stood in front of a mirror while trying to master his fast-paced, highly sexual, horse riding dance…and if you haven’t… well… knock yourself out.

(watch me) Gangnam Style

Yes… the video is pretty much ridiculous… I mean come on, these people are riding around pretending to be horses… but again… unless you have no idea how to use this great thing called the internet, you wouldn’t know that “Gangnam Style” is a parody in and of itself.

With over 250 million views, and counting, PSY pushes the cultural boundaries of Seoul, Korea’s richest, most eccentric, district, Gangnam, in a massively entertaining way.

For years eastern music artists have had the most difficult time making it mainstream in our western society… I mean I don’t see how… all they really had to do was put on some flashy, neon, clothes and dance around pretending to ride a horse all while making hand motions in mid air as if you were spanking someone. PSY… being the genius as he is… realized that in the US… *ding ding*… you guessed it…sex sells…. shocker there. He clearly used this to his advantage while also knowing that chances were we wouldn’t understand Korean… I mean how rude… but hey, any guy that can outsmart an American is A-okay in my book.

Aside from PSY’s ostentatious appearance, I really just don’t think his life is all that. Honestly… why would you want to sit next to a sweaty guy in a sauna, get down with some elders in a tourist bus or swim in a pool?

As I mentioned before, “Gangnam Style” is a parody and as with any catchy song, you can always count on College students to make their own videos showing how our lives are clearly better than everyone else’s…

(watch me) UT “Gangnam Style” Parody

Now this is what I’m talking about… The “Burnt Orange Tailgating Crew” should be the ones making millions… not this guy PSY,  who is clearly trying to one up us on the amount we spend as consumers… but really… I know The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, New Jersey, New York and Orange County could trump his so-called “Gangnam” lifestyle any day.

PSY makes it seem as if he has this lavish lifestyle… but who walks past a group of girls doing yoga and doesn’t do anything… you’re going to have to do a little better than that if you’re going to compete with us…at least UT girls grind all up on those frat daddies…I think we can clearly see who won this dance off.

Some might think that these UT students have this whole parody wrong… but oh no… it is so right. Who wouldn’t want to consume an immense amount of beer… not to mention doing a keg stand before a football game?

All satire aside… maybe looking a little deeper into the meaning behind “Gangnam Style” will do us some good. Although both videos clearly represent different cultures, the depiction of how much each society consumes is one and the same.

Both videos are over-the-top, but maybe that’s what we need… a kick in the face…or some weird dance resembling horses…  in order to get a message across. Maybe we don’t need to have the most valuable things or drink until we puke in order to fit in. Some might say that PSY is a ridiculous moron… or UT students are giving themselves a bad reputation; however, if you take a little time, on this great thing called the Internet, you’ll realize that  you can still have a great time sitting alone on a beach, in PSY’s case, or resting your head on your buddy’s shoulder in front of a TV at a UT tailgate. We could all benefit from trying to control how much the media brainwashes us by consuming a little less and maybe go back to the days when you couldn’t wait to play outside with your dog as soon as you got home from school, instead of playing video games… but hey, what do I know… I’m just another broke college student trying to get by in life…

Either way, both videos are quiet entertaining… so if you’re looking for a way to procrastinate or just to have a great laugh, I would suggest watching these videos over and over again.. or maybe just make your own parody and see how viral it goes.

Do something nice every now and then… just don’t give rides to strangers

Situation: getting blogs done…efficiently and on time…

How it turned out: I’ll let you know by the end of this

 

So I know we were taught as a kid not to take rides from strangers… but what if someone asks you to give them a ride? What do I do then?! Thanks mom and dad… forgot to teach me that one, didn’t you…

 

Here was my situation… I was supposed to be working on my blog… which was already late… and I was blogging about how I got myself into the situation of it being late:

 

So as I stated in my first post… I get really nervous when it comes to writing blogs… or anything for that matter… that the public will see.

 

I think of multiple things to write about and start writing… then I decide that I want to write about something else so I start another one… and another… and so on. I end up having so many ideas that I just can’t seem to find one that I like so I give up.

 

It all started last Tuesday when I decided I would get a head start on my blog that was due for this week. I had a great idea…. So I started writing.

 

Last Tuesday… during class: I was in my Science in Perspective class and well… I really just have no interest in that class so I took out my laptop and continued writing my blog post. I’m feeling pretty good at this point, I have a great idea AND I …

 

Well this is where I stopped.

 

This girl, who was obviously a foreign student, asked me if I could drive her to Barton Creek Mall to get her laptop fixed because she had to submit her capstone and her hard drive crashed…

 

I mean I was feeling pretty hesitant, because … I mean… HELLO… I had NO IDEA who she was… and I’ve never been put in that situation before.

 

She proceeds to say, “pleeeeeeeeeeease” in that whinny voice we all use when we want something, and gives me the puppy dog lip… so clearly I had no choice at this point… plus it gave me another reason to procrastinate writing my blog.

 

So now I am sitting here at the Apple Store in the Barton Creek Mall, and its not so bad. I mean, I’m just sitting here and typing this and I blend right in perfectly… with the exception of my old, ghetto, duct taped, black MacBook.

 

So I guess I could finish the blog post that I was typing earlier… but maybe this was just a blessing in disguise. I found something to write about AND I am getting this in on time… *winning*.

 

What a day…. scratch that… what a week. Well now I have my blog done, this girl isn’t even done with her appointment yet, and I will have time later to go home and pack before I go out tonight… I’m leaving for Chicago at 5 am… But I’m sure I will end up writing about that later.

 

Moral of the story: Do something nice every now and then… just maybe don’t follow in my footsteps and get to know the person first before you drive them somewhere.

I _____ before it was cool

 

Do you ever look around, I mean really look around, and notice how many hipsters there really are?

 

I’ll be walking down the street… just minding my own business…and then it hits me… like a ton of bricks… plaid shirts, skinny jeans, big-rimmed glasses… EVERYWHERE.

 

There is nowhere to hide. If there is one thing a hipster is good at…it’s making you question everything you ever thought was trendy, delicious or fabulous.

 

Have you ever walked past a group of people and thought to yourself, “they’re judging and talking about me”, but they really probably weren’t?

 

Well in this case they definitely were.

 

Whether you are in line at Starbucks, at a restaurant or shopping at a non-thrift store… it’s as if you did something wrong even if you didn’t. Your hair is wrong, your clothes are wrong… pretty much your life is basically just wrong.

 

It’s like there is this alternate universe they live in where everything we do as students or corporate America is completely lame and just shouldn’t exist. Yet, we are all suddenly yearning to live in the areas they live in and dine at the restaurants they deem acceptable.

 

I mean, honestly, when did it become normal for the 20-year old Audi driving corporate girl to worry about what a Goodwill sweater, tight jeaned, converse wearing guy deems acceptable?

 

Sometimes I think this is all in my head, so I decided to do some research on this… you know… just to make sure I wasn’t slowly entering the Twilight Zone.

 

The Huffington Post recently had an article on the top 10 hipster neighborhoods in the US and, thankfully, both Chicago and Austin made this list… Chicago coming in at #4 and East Austin at #7.  http://huff.to/Ujk66Y

 

So I continued my search on these people called “hipsters” just to… you know… figure out who they were and what they wanted from us “non hipsters”.

 

I came across an article on Wikipedia and found some tips on how to be a hipster, which I think helps explain them quite well…  And I mean… now that Libraries are disappearing by the minute, it’s really the only reliable source for me to get my information from… but, really…

In case you think you run into a hipster but aren’t quite sure… or you want to join their “secret club” because you are too lazy to come up with your own style…here are some tips:

1. Pretend you’re poor… for some reason Hipsters like to come off as having no money (Goodwill is the new Nordstrom)

2. Stock up on skinny jeans… make sure they are EXTRA skinny (so tight you can see it all…really it’s quite unnecessary)

3. Be very sarcastic and avoid answering questions directly… also be chill no matter what situation you’re put in (but not chill in the normal chill way…chill as in “I am a hipster so no matter what you say my opinion trumps kind of way)

4. Listen to Indie music… I know this will be hard for all you non-hipsters since you are all depressingly mainstream…

5. Get an old fixie bike instead of a car. Less money, and better for the environment (even if it’s purple, just go with it…basket? Even better…maybe even a little bell on the handle bar)

6. Hang out with other Hipsters at local coffee shops, while discussing poetry or art (or that Indie band you saw at the local coffee shop who’s lyrics are like poetry). It’ll make you look deep and super “trendy”

 

I felt such relief as soon as I saw this… it confirmed my prediction… there is actually this thing called “hipster”… I’m not going crazy.

 

For now I guess we need to just accept this is part of our society and wait for the next trend to hit us. At least we can count on the hipsters keeping good restaurants open… supporting local breweries and produce and overall just being around.  If one thing is certain we will triumph and our opinions will once again matter…even if it takes a few years.