[Chapter adapted from Real Sex Does Not Come From a Website: The Rewards of Perusing Your Wife – https://www.amazon.com/Real-Sex-Does-Come-Website/dp/1607998122 ]
Yes, for God’s sake! Let me explain. Contrary to the sanitization of masculinity, some of the most liberating statements men can read for themselves are found in the Christian Bible. “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine” (Song of Songs 1:1). “Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely” (Song of Songs 4:3). “Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue” (Song of Songs 4:11). There is absolutely no sanitizing these words, though they can be contextualized. For the sake of this article, I will contextualize them between a husband and wife.
I remember twelve years ago that my eldest son, who was eight at the time, asked me what a French kiss was. In my immediate answer at the dinner table, I replied, “It is what French people do!” I hoped this would keep at bay his question that would be better answered privately and not in front of his giggling younger brother and sister, not to mention his mom who was grinning like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. At the same time, our other son stuck his tongue out licking the air like it was an ice cream. The whole table burst out laughing as I tried to bring a sense of order, attempting to set the example of sensibility. Who had told our other son, a six-year-old at the time, that when grown-ups kiss they sometimes use their tongues? Who had violated his innocence and scarred his thinking for life? Upon reflection, we dads really do have an ability to exaggerate when we are not in control of a situation or when something happens without us knowing. The only real scars my children have are from acting like batman in a make-belief Gotham City (known as a living room); or in the case of my daughter, by getting in the way of batman!
The fact was that another boy at school had seen something on television and told the other boys in his class about kissing. Their understanding had no emotional connection whatsoever, so it was gross and extremely funny at the same time for them. I quickly joined the bandwagon and pulled a face that shouted “gross” and “germs”. Later that evening, I talked with my eldest son in terms he would understand that answered his question while he played on his X-Box, listening to a music at the same time. To him, it was not sexual in the slightest, but a door of questions had been opened and has stayed open since that time. By the way, to any dad who asks his eldest son not to say anything to his younger brother, he is asking the impossible. What you tell one son will get to the other son like Morse code right under your nose.
When the children are in bed, the question may still linger in your wife’s mind that looks for an answer in you. “Let him kiss me” (Song of Songs 1:1). Will you or won’t you? Is it worth searching for milk and honey under her tongue? If you can see that her lips are, as the text states, like deep red scarlet ribbon, it can be more than worth it. For example, Auguste Rodin carved an image her called The Kiss out of one stone revealing two lovers coiled together. Her arm is draped sensually around his neck, while his hand barely touches her exposed hip. Like lovers’ vertigo, she is reaching up to him, and his embrace holds her in the grip of a passionate kiss. According to Rodin, the image of lovers like this always starts with a kiss.
According to the text, her mouth to be lovely, sweet like honey, and your mouth is more delightful than wine. Think about it, there is nothing more complimenting to a well-prepared meal than a good wine. It accentuates the taste of every morsel like velvet on the tongue. She is saying that your kiss is more than wine. So, if liberating statements are found in the Bible, did God create the kiss? Whether He let the first man and woman discover a kiss for themselves is debatable, but according to the Christian Bible, He created man and woman (Genesis 5:2).
The language of Song of Songs is an invitation from a woman to kiss her many times “with the kisses” of your mouth, or as Ingrid Bergman said, “A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” This is not the kiss of Michael Douglas showing affection to his father Kirk, or the wishful thinking of kissing the Blarney Stone or superstition of kissing the Pope’s ring. Neither is it the greeting of European or Middle Eastern men. This is the kiss of our masculine passion. It is too easier to give in to an online erotic image or video than to employ what God has given you—the ability to kiss a woman, more specifically, your wife.
Remember that if the kiss is good, even great, she will invite you to go further. There is nothing on earth like an invitation from the woman you love to pour excitement from lips to lips, like ancient golden goblets filling with wine. It is what Byron calls the “heart-quake” because it is far more eloquent than speech. If so, you may need to widen your repertoire of kissing as Oliver Wendell Holmes, the nineteenth century poet, constantly repeated to his friends, “The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon, but its echo lasts a great deal longer.”
Movies are full of this stuff. With the sun setting in the background, Will Turner puts his left hand gently around the neck of Elizabeth Swan and kisses her. So what, is this another chic-flick that we men suffer through for the sake of being with our spouse? No, this is Pirates of the Caribbean, full of action and adventure with Jack Sparrow. The fact is that Elizabeth is pledged to be married to the Norrington, who is clueless to what the son of a pirate knows about a woman’s mouth and the hidden treasure under her tongue (Song of Songs 4:11). Even Anakin, who was seduced by the dark side of the force, knew how to caress the lips of Padme in Attack of the Clones. Look guys, even Tramp, the mongrel dog, knew how to steal a kiss with a cocker spaniel called Lady in an Italian restaurant over spaghetti. The passion, circumstances, buildup, dialogue, unpredictability, awkwardness, and the sexiness of the cinematography know how to set every man up right in front of his wife. Will your wife honestly say that Will Turner, Anakin Skywalker, and even Tramp the dog have what it takes in a lineup with you?
As much as we have progressed light years beyond the cultures of yesterday, our respective histories reveal how much we men have lost the staple of Renaissance poetry, music, art, and literature—the kiss. Johannes Secundus in the sixteenth century often referred to the kiss as eternal, swooning, diffusing, and merging two people into one. This period of history took the kiss beyond the literal touch. For example, items such as an image of a lover, lockets, letters, and possessions would be kissed with as much love as their owner. Go further back to the fourteenth century to the works of Ha-fez, the Persian poet, and the concern for delicate female lips, once caressed with your mouth, could leave a memory that would last a lifetime, like two silk sheets caressing each other in the breeze. In the twenty-first century, is it possible for a man to say to create a memory in his wife’s mind that says “good morning”, “see you later”, and “honey I’m home”?
In Chekhov’s The Kiss, a naive and innocent young man wanders into a dark room. His name is Ryabovich. In that blackened room was a fair maiden waiting for him to surprise with an inviting kiss. Their lips meet. Although he cannot see, images of her beauty blossom into full color, visualized perfectly. Your kiss can create memorable images that linger until the children are in bed.
In AD 200, Chloe steals a kiss for the first time from Daphnis. His heart pounds, his breathing gasps for air, and his soul begins to melt like cold ice exposed to the sun. But with all this physical awkwardness, he wants to kiss her again, not knowing what this “disease” was rupturing his body. It is like a scene from ‘Third Rock from the Sun’ where Dr. Dick Solomon (Played by John Lithgow) kisses Dr. Mary Albright (played by Jane Curtain) for the first time. Dick assumes it is a technical cleaning ceremony and in his excitement exclaims to Mary, ‘Let me clean you again!’ Though Hershey makes eighty million kisses each day, one kiss with searching passion can mean more to your wife than all the chocolate in the world, in fact, any world according to Dr. Solomon!
If the invitation of the one you love is, “Let him kiss me” (Song of Songs 1:1), are you not robbing her of an answer that you hold within your masculinity? She is a sleeping beauty, waiting for love to awake with a single kiss, and it may just turn the frog in you into a charming prince!
You may be surprised by what happens when you make the first move. For example, Boiardo’s Orlando Innamorato tells of a beautiful damsel sitting by a great tomb. She seduces Baron Brandimart to open the tomb and kiss whatever comes out. With a single effort, he opens the grave and a snake with sharp fangs and striking white eyes leaps out. He takes the serpent in both hands and gently kisses it, knowing his life could be taken. Instantly the creature turns into an enchanted fairy and empowers his armor and horse. Now, what could a passionate kiss with your wife do for you?
A passionate kiss became the concluding image of WWII. Alfred Eisenstaedt photographed one of the most published kisses in history. The war had come to an end and a sailor took hold of a woman in Times Square, New York, swinging her entire body parallel with the ground, as he deeply and passionately kissed her. It speaks of a passionate reunion and release of all the problems and chaos of that day. It is quite possible that such a kiss could release the problems and chaos of your wife’s day. I think Erroll Brown got it right in his ’70s hit, “It started with a kiss, never thought it would come to this.”
I’m sure that King Solomon’s lover has her own problems and chaos, but the text reveals what she was looking for, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine” (Song of Songs 1:1). She may look like Boiardo’s serpent with fangs and glaring eyes, but in her heart she may be longing for your searching lips to discover the treasure of milk and honey found with a kiss.
I think the Christian Bible explains the depth and possibilities of a kiss far more than the sanitized words of Professor McGrouter: “The anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicularis orsis muscles in a state of contraction that draws on a combined 146 muscles.” A kiss between husband and wife must never be reduced to a scientific explanation. It is your response to her invitation to go beyond the kiss, or as Mistinguett said, “To every man, a kiss is a comma.” It is not an end in itself but a secret of unspoken words told to the mouth, not to the ear. For God’s sake, kiss her!