Andrew K. Fox

[Chapter adapted from Real Sex Does Not Come From a Website: The Rewards of Perusing Your Wife –  https://www.amazon.com/Real-Sex-Does-Come-Website/dp/1607998122 ]

Yes, for God’s sake! Let me explain. Contrary to the sanitization of masculinity, some of the most liberating statements men can read for themselves are found in the Christian Bible. “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine” (Song of Songs 1:1). “Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely” (Song of Songs 4:3). “Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue” (Song of Songs 4:11). There is absolutely no sanitizing these words, though they can be contextualized. For the sake of this article, I will contextualize them between a husband and wife.

I remember twelve years ago that my eldest son, who was eight at the time, asked me what a French kiss was. In my immediate answer at the dinner table, I replied, “It is what French people do!” I hoped this would keep at bay his question that would be better answered privately and not in front of his giggling younger brother and sister, not to mention his mom who was grinning like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. At the same time, our other son stuck his tongue out licking the air like it was an ice cream. The whole table burst out laughing as I tried to bring a sense of order, attempting to set the example of sensibility. Who had told our other son, a six-year-old at the time, that when grown-ups kiss they sometimes use their tongues? Who had violated his innocence and scarred his thinking for life? Upon reflection, we dads really do have an ability to exaggerate when we are not in control of a situation or when something happens without us knowing. The only real scars my children have are from acting like batman in a make-belief Gotham City (known as a living room); or in the case of my daughter, by getting in the way of batman!

The fact was that another boy at school had seen something on television and told the other boys in his class about kissing. Their understanding had no emotional connection whatsoever, so it was gross and extremely funny at the same time for them. I quickly joined the bandwagon and pulled a face that shouted “gross” and “germs”. Later that evening, I talked with my eldest son in terms he would understand that answered his question while he played on his X-Box, listening to a music at the same time. To him, it was not sexual in the slightest, but a door of questions had been opened and has stayed open since that time. By the way, to any dad who asks his eldest son not to say anything to his younger brother, he is asking the impossible. What you tell one son will get to the other son like Morse code right under your nose.

When the children are in bed, the question may still linger in your wife’s mind that looks for an answer in you. “Let him kiss me” (Song of Songs 1:1). Will you or won’t you? Is it worth searching for milk and honey under her tongue? If you can see that her lips are, as the text states, like deep red scarlet ribbon, it can be more than worth it. For example, Auguste Rodin carved an image her called The Kiss out of one stone revealing two lovers coiled together. Her arm is draped sensually around his neck, while his hand barely touches her exposed hip. Like lovers’ vertigo, she is reaching up to him, and his embrace holds her in the grip of a passionate kiss. According to Rodin, the image of lovers like this always starts with a kiss.

According to the text, her mouth to be lovely, sweet like honey, and your mouth is more delightful than wine. Think about it, there is nothing more complimenting to a well-prepared meal than a good wine. It accentuates the taste of every morsel like velvet on the tongue. She is saying that your kiss is more than wine. So, if liberating statements are found in the Bible, did God create the kiss? Whether He let the first man and woman discover a kiss for themselves is debatable, but according to the Christian Bible, He created man and woman (Genesis 5:2).

The language of Song of Songs is an invitation from a woman to kiss her many times “with the kisses” of your mouth, or as Ingrid Bergman said, “A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” This is not the kiss of Michael Douglas showing affection to his father Kirk, or the wishful thinking of kissing the Blarney Stone or superstition of kissing the Pope’s ring. Neither is it the greeting of European or Middle Eastern men. This is the kiss of our masculine passion. It is too easier to give in to an online erotic image or video than to employ what God has given you—the ability to kiss a woman, more specifically, your wife.

Remember that if the kiss is good, even great, she will invite you to go further. There is nothing on earth like an invitation from the woman you love to pour excitement from lips to lips, like ancient golden goblets filling with wine. It is what Byron calls the “heart-quake” because it is far more eloquent than speech. If so, you may need to widen your repertoire of kissing as Oliver Wendell Holmes, the nineteenth century poet, constantly repeated to his friends, “The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon, but its echo lasts a great deal longer.”

Movies are full of this stuff. With the sun setting in the background, Will Turner puts his left hand gently around the neck of Elizabeth Swan and kisses her. So what, is this another chic-flick that we men suffer through for the sake of being with our spouse? No, this is Pirates of the Caribbean, full of action and adventure with Jack Sparrow. The fact is that Elizabeth is pledged to be married to the Norrington, who is clueless to what the son of a pirate knows about a woman’s mouth and the hidden treasure under her tongue (Song of Songs 4:11). Even Anakin, who was seduced by the dark side of the force, knew how to caress the lips of Padme in Attack of the Clones. Look guys, even Tramp, the mongrel dog, knew how to steal a kiss with a cocker spaniel called Lady in an Italian restaurant over spaghetti. The passion, circumstances, buildup, dialogue, unpredictability, awkwardness, and the sexiness of the cinematography know how to set every man up right in front of his wife. Will your wife honestly say that Will Turner, Anakin Skywalker, and even Tramp the dog have what it takes in a lineup with you?

As much as we have progressed light years beyond the cultures of yesterday, our respective histories reveal how much we men have lost the staple of Renaissance poetry, music, art, and literature—the kiss. Johannes Secundus in the sixteenth century often referred to the kiss as eternal, swooning, diffusing, and merging two people into one. This period of history took the kiss beyond the literal touch. For example, items such as an image of a lover, lockets, letters, and possessions would be kissed with as much love as their owner. Go further back to the fourteenth century to the works of Ha-fez, the Persian poet, and the concern for delicate female lips, once caressed with your mouth, could leave a memory that would last a lifetime, like two silk sheets caressing each other in the breeze. In the twenty-first century, is it possible for a man to say to create a memory in his wife’s mind that says “good morning”, “see you later”, and “honey I’m home”?

In Chekhov’s The Kiss, a naive and innocent young man wanders into a dark room. His name is Ryabovich. In that blackened room was a fair maiden waiting for him to surprise with an inviting kiss. Their lips meet. Although he cannot see, images of her beauty blossom into full color, visualized perfectly. Your kiss can create memorable images that linger until the children are in bed.

In AD 200, Chloe steals a kiss for the first time from Daphnis. His heart pounds, his breathing gasps for air, and his soul begins to melt like cold ice exposed to the sun. But with all this physical awkwardness, he wants to kiss her again, not knowing what this “disease” was rupturing his body. It is like a scene from ‘Third Rock from the Sun’ where Dr. Dick Solomon (Played by John Lithgow) kisses Dr. Mary Albright (played by Jane Curtain) for the first time. Dick assumes it is a technical cleaning ceremony and in his excitement exclaims to Mary, ‘Let me clean you again!’ Though Hershey makes eighty million kisses each day, one kiss with searching passion can mean more to your wife than all the chocolate in the world, in fact, any world according to Dr. Solomon!

If the invitation of the one you love is, “Let him kiss me” (Song of Songs 1:1), are you not robbing her of an answer that you hold within your masculinity? She is a sleeping beauty, waiting for love to awake with a single kiss, and it may just turn the frog in you into a charming prince!

You may be surprised by what happens when you make the first move. For example, Boiardo’s Orlando Innamorato tells of a beautiful damsel sitting by a great tomb. She seduces Baron Brandimart to open the tomb and kiss whatever comes out. With a single effort, he opens the grave and a snake with sharp fangs and striking white eyes leaps out. He takes the serpent in both hands and gently kisses it, knowing his life could be taken. Instantly the creature turns into an enchanted fairy and empowers his armor and horse. Now, what could a passionate kiss with your wife do for you?

A passionate kiss became the concluding image of WWII. Alfred Eisenstaedt photographed one of the most published kisses in history. The war had come to an end and a sailor took hold of a woman in Times Square, New York, swinging her entire body parallel with the ground, as he deeply and passionately kissed her. It speaks of a passionate reunion and release of all the problems and chaos of that day. It is quite possible that such a kiss could release the problems and chaos of your wife’s day. I think Erroll Brown got it right in his ’70s hit, “It started with a kiss, never thought it would come to this.”

I’m sure that King Solomon’s lover has her own problems and chaos, but the text reveals what she was looking for, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine” (Song of Songs 1:1). She may look like Boiardo’s serpent with fangs and glaring eyes, but in her heart she may be longing for your searching lips to discover the treasure of milk and honey found with a kiss.

I think the Christian Bible explains the depth and possibilities of a kiss far more than the sanitized words of Professor McGrouter: “The anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicularis orsis muscles in a state of contraction that draws on a combined 146 muscles.” A kiss between husband and wife must never be reduced to a scientific explanation. It is your response to her invitation to go beyond the kiss, or as Mistinguett said, “To every man, a kiss is a comma.” It is not an end in itself but a secret of unspoken words told to the mouth, not to the ear. For God’s sake, kiss her!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Frances and Courtney, I’ll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney, for Frances for her life will be so much happier without me. I love you. I love you.” (Suicide note of Musician Kurt Cobain April 8^th 1994)

“Dear World, I am leaving you because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool – good luck.” (Suicide note of Actor George Sanders April 25^th 1972)

This is a serious subject. It is a real subject. It is also a seemingly depressing subject. I do not hope to cover this subject and exhaust it in a single article. It has a stigma to it that no other form of grief carries. Factually, in any significant gathering of people at least 25% will personally know someone who has taken their life. Depending on who took their own life, the consequences to family and friends is a complex web of deep emotion. I want to carefully look at four examples through the lens of ‘consequences.’ This is certainly not intended to be an approach of judgment, but to lay a brief foundation for hope.

First, what consequences follow where a parent takes their own life? The words ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ are probably the most emotionally charged words in any language with complex securities. When a parent takes their life there is a sense of abandonment with the children even if the kids are adult at the time of their death. For example, a daughter no longer has her father to walk her down the aisle as a bride; and a son does not have his father to congratulate him on his career accomplishments. Grandchildren have no grandparents, and so on.

Second, what consequences follow when a spouse takes their own life? There are no goodbyes. There is no chance of reconciliation or recriminations if divorce was already being considered. There is just deafening silence. The surviving spouse may begin to second-guess if they really knew their partner. Photographs and video of seemingly ‘happy’ times are seriously brought into question.

Third, what are the consequences when a child takes their own life? Part of your past and future is simply ripped away from a parent. When asked, ‘how many children do you have’ the answer is can be agonizing. Does the parent still count the dead child as ‘one of my children’? Is the Parent still a ‘good parent’ or are they classed as ‘unfit’ because their child committed suicide? This tragedy usually produces another tragedy – divorce between the parents.

Fourth, what are the consequences when a sibling takes their own life? The sibling relationship is extraordinary. There are many shared experiences between siblings unique to the relationship. Chores, bedrooms, family celebrations, secrets, tension, and a personal history bound in the heritage of love and jealousy. There are many fights, for and with, each other. When a sibling takes their life a sense of mortality sets in.

In any event of suicide there is a police investigation where the grieving relative has to be questioned. With assisted suicide, cult activity, depression, and euthanasia on the increase awkward questions have to be asked. After looking at the various types of suicide let’s look at some facts about this subject.

In 1963 there were four States that had laws against suicide, and attempted suicide. Since the 1990’s all States have removed these laws. In other countries, suicide still carries the penalty of an unmarked grave and/or the forfeit of property. According to the Center of Disease, Control and Prevention (2010) the following facts help us see a more detailed picture of suicide:

In the United States 30,000 take their lives every year, twice the figure of those who die from HIV. More people in the US take their life in the season of Spring than any other time of the year. Half of all suicides are with a gun. It is the third highest cause of death in the US (after homicide and vehicle accidents). Among the elderly, it is highest with those who are divorced or widowed. For every suicide there are at least 25 attempts. The strongest factor is depression. Every 17 minutes someone attempts to take their life in the United States. The ratio of actual death is four men to every one woman. The ratio of attempted suicide is three women to every one man. There are three suicides for every one natural death in retired law enforcement officers.

When a personality, famous or infamous, takes their own life, our present culture feels the consequence through the power of media directly into our homes and lives. For instance, when Marilyn Monroe allegedly took her own life, thousands of women across the United States were deeply grieved – even though they had never had a personal encounter with Miss Monroe. Here are just some of the famous and infamous who have taken their own lives:

Actors: Dana Plato (Different Strokes); Hugh O’Connor (In the Heat of the Night); David Strickland (Suddenly Susan); Brian Keith (TV actor); Jonathan Brandis (Never Ending Story); Peter Duel (Alias Smith & Jones). Musicians: Sid Vicious (Sex Pistols); Kurt Cobain (Musician); Michael Hutchence (INXS); Terry Kath (Chicago). Athletes: Tony Harris (Basketball); Andre Waters (Football); Jeff Alm (Football). Historical figures: Cleopatra (Queen of Egypt); Mark Anthony (Roman General); Marcus Brutus (lead killer of Julius Caesar); Judas Iscariot (Betrayer of Jesus); Robin William (TV and Film Actor).

But does the Bible tell us anything about suicide that helps us beyond the facts and cultural characters of suicide? The answer is, yes. There are seven recorded characters in the Bible that committed suicide, and one horrific warning.

The first is Abimelech. He was the son of an Israelite judge called Gideon and a slave girl, who lived in Shechem. The people of Israel had asked Gideon to be their King, but he declined knowing that God himself should be their King in a theocratic culture. Unfortunately, Abimelech did not hold this point of view that led to a deep depressing end. (Judges 9:54 Message) “He called urgently to his young armor bearer and said, ‘Draw your sword and kill me so they can’t say of me, ‘A woman killed him.’ His armor bearer drove in his sword, and Abimelech died.”

The second is King Saul, as the first king of Israel who never really wanted to be a monarch. Nevertheless, as his reign grew in strength Saul left his devotion of God that led to a terrible end. (1 Samuel 31:4 Message) “Saul said to his weapon bearer, ‘Draw your sword and put me out of my misery, lest these pagan pigs come and make a game out of killing me.’ But his weapon bearer wouldn’t do it. He was terrified. So Saul took the sword himself and fell on it.”

The third is King Saul’s armor bearer, following his master in suicide but for different reasons. Saul was afraid his enemies would abuse his body but they would never do this to an armor bearer. He took his own life out of loyalty to Saul. (1 Samuel 31:5 Message) “When the weapon bearer saw that Saul was dead, he too fell on his sword and died with him.”

The fourth is Ahithophel, the official counselor of King David and a man greatly renowned for his sagacity. At the time of Absalom‘s revolt he deserted David and espoused the cause of Absalom – the king’s son. (2 Samuel 17:23 Message) “When Ahithophel realized that his counsel was not followed, he saddled his donkey and left for his hometown. After making out his will and putting his house in order, he hanged himself and died.”

The fifth is King Zimri, a commander who murdered king Elah at Tirzah, and succeeded him as king. However, Zimri reigned only seven days, because the army elected Omri as king, and with their support laid siege to Tirzah. Finding his position untenable, Zimri set fire to the palace and perished. (1 Kings 16:18 Message) “When Zimri saw that he was surrounded and as good as dead, he entered the palace citadel, set the place on fire, and died.”

The sixth is Judas Iscariot who betrayed Jesus for thirty pieces of silver, but never understood the consequences of his betrayal. It led him to attempt hanging himself, but the rope snapped causing him to fall bursting open his belly. (Matthew 27:3-5 Message) “Judas, the one who betrayed him, realized that Jesus was doomed. Overcome with remorse, he gave back the thirty silver coins to the high priests, saying, ‘I’ve sinned. I’ve betrayed an innocent man.’ They said, ‘What do we care? That’s your problem!’ Judas threw the silver coins into the Temple and left. Then he went out and hung himself.”

The seventh is Samson, one of Israel’s judges. He was taken prisoner held captive by the Philistines suffering the torture of having both eyes gouged out. In a final attempt to enact justice on the Philistines he pushed down supporting pillars holding up a building that crushed both Samson and his captors. (Judges 16:30 Message) “Then Samson reached out to the two central pillars that held up the building and pushed against them, one with his right arm, the other with his left. Saying, ‘Let me die with the Philistines,’ Samson pushed hard with all his might. The building crashed on the tyrants and all the people in it. He killed more people in his death than he had killed in his life.”

In addition to these seven examples found in both Old and New Testaments we have the forecast of many wanting to take their lives after Jesus returns, but not be able to do so. (Revelation 9:6) “When this happens, people are going to prefer death to torture, look for ways to kill themselves. But they won’t find a way—death will have gone into hiding.”

After looking at these characters in the Bible I need to add context to how a postmodern culture views suicide. There are nine views:

1. Heroic view, done for the good of others like Samson who killed more Philistines in his death than in life. The same could be applied to the brave men on flight 93 (crashing 150 miles from its target in Washington D.C) where 40 people laid down their lives (September 11^th 2001).
2. Philosophical view, where crazed leaders influence social suicide like Jim Jones in Jonestown where 909 men, women and children died (November 18^th 1978).
3. Assisted view can be a form of escape becoming a moral challenge to lawmakers among the terminally ill. This comes from the Roman philosopher Seneca who believed in being in control of your own fate (3 BC – 65 AD).
4. Romantic view, that is anything but romantic. When a spouse dies after 60 years of marriage the survivor can think they have nothing to live for. It is a scene from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet (1597).
5. Contagious view is often found among POW’s or those trapped with no hope. For instance, those who jumped from the Trade Towers (September 11^th 2001) had no escape. One person jumps and spurs another to jump.
6. Manipulating view is where someone may say, ‘If you leave me I will kill myself’ often found among young people in their first love.
7. Distress view takes on a similar motive, as a signal, but deliberately fails. This view is far more frequent among women attempting suicide, as the facts above show, more men actually take their lives.
8. Punishing view is where someone may say, ‘When I die you will be sorry!’ Again, this is commonly found among young teenagers in their first experience of a meaningful relationship.
9. Cultural view can be a matter of honor like the Japanese or ancient Egyptians. (x) Religious view is not as common today, but it still exists. During the Protestant Reformation (16^th century) the Medieval Inquisition (1184–1230’s) and the fall of Jerusalem (70 AD) many took their own life in the Name of God. I will assert my own thoughts here and strongly state that there is nothing in the Bible to suggest that God wants anyone to take their own life in His name.

Despite the method of this tragedy, very few death certificates carry the cause of death as suicide. Alternative words are used like ‘overdose’ ‘suffocation’ ‘drowning’ ‘fatal gun wound’ or ‘asphyxiation’ because the forensic world is sensitive to the stigma of suicide as the last legal document to be written concerning a person’s life.

Having looked at the types of suicide, famous and infamous characters, Biblical examples and the postmodern views, I will now examine the life of King Saul. Here is a man who did not want the crown of Israel but met the challenge and succeeded. Nevertheless, there was a distinct decline that led to his suicide on the battlefield. His life and story are found in the two Books of Samuel and the first Book of Chronicles.

Look at his domestic family life. (1 Samuel 9:1 Message) “There was a man from the tribe of Benjamin named Kish. He was the son of Abiel, grandson of Zeror, great-grandson of Becorath, great-great-grandson of Aphiah—a Benjaminite of stalwart character…” Saul was from a good family, in that, he was known for his reputation and a good standing in the community of Israel. We are not told too many details but a ‘man of stalwart character’ meant Kish taught his sons the values and core beliefs of Israel. They were a respected family. What comes next is an explanation of how impressive Saul was. (1 Samuel 9:2 Message) “He had a son, Saul, a most handsome young man. There was none finer—he literally stood head and shoulders above the crowd!” Like David, there was something attractive about Saul’s posture and presence. Even Samuel the prophet recognized this. (1 Samuel 10:24 Message). “Samuel then addressed the people, ‘Take a good look at whom God has chosen: the best! No one like him in the whole country!”

When Saul walked into the room he did not need to be announced. But with this natural attraction of posture came a strong sense of humility. (1 Samuel 10:22 NIV) “…he has hidden himself among the baggage.” Samuel the prophet wanted to anoint Saul as king but this attractive man of stalwart character did not want it. This was not an act of rebellion, but humility. Saul also demonstrated a sense of self-control. (1 Samuel 10:27 Message) “But the riffraff went off muttering, ‘Deliverer? Don’t make me laugh!’ They held him in contempt and refused to congratulate him. But Saul paid them no mind.” The culture and custom was to bring gifts to the newly anointed king, like the three wise men did with Jesus. On the day he was crowned king Saul showed restraint. (1 Samuel 11:13 Message) “But Saul said, ‘Nobody is going to be executed this day. This is the day God saved Israel! Come, let’s go to Gilgal and there reconsecrate the kingship.” Saul was highly motivated to honor the responsibilities of a king. (1 Samuel 13:12 Message) “When I saw I was losing my army from under me, and that you hadn’t come when you said you would, and that the Philistines were poised at Micmash, I said, ‘The Philistines are about to come down on me in Gilgal, and I haven’t yet come before God asking for his help.’ So I took things into my own hands, and sacrificed the burnt offering.” Although this sounds like a responsible king, it was quite the opposite.

Samuel the prophet instructed Saul to wait until he came to make a sacrifice. This is where we see a devout man become deceived. Saul’s restraint and self-control was absent when he disobeyed the prophet and sacrificed an offering himself. He was king – but not a priest. The response from the prophet condemned him. (1 Samuel 13:13-14 Message) “That was a fool thing to do,’ Samuel said to Saul. ‘If you had kept the appointment that your God commanded, by now God would have set a firm and lasting foundation under your kingly rule over Israel. As it is, your kingly rule is already falling to pieces. God is out looking for your replacement right now. This time he’ll do the choosing. When he finds him, he’ll appoint him leader of his people. And all because you didn’t keep your appointment with God” What followed this was a great consequence. (1 Samuel 15:11 Message) “Them God spoke to Samuel: ‘I’m sorry I ever made Saul king. He’s turned his back on me. He refuses to do what I tell him.”

Following this was a consistently disobedient life. Saul was once a humble man whose presence could be felt when walking into a room. Now he is rebellious. (1 Samuel 15:18-19 Message) “And Samuel told him. ‘When you started out in this, you were nothing— and you knew it. Then God put you at the head of Israel—made you king over Israel. Then God sent you off to do a job for him, ordering you, ‘Go and put those sinners, the Amalekites, under a holy ban. Go to war against them until you have totally wiped them out.’ So why did you not obey God?”

Saul takes matters into his own hands and develops a strong sense of jealousy about his son-in-law David. (1 Samuel 18:6-9 message) “As they returned home, after David had killed the Philistine, the women poured out of all the villages of Israel singing and dancing, welcoming King Saul with tambourines, festive songs, and lutes. In playful frolic the women sang, Saul kills by the thousand, David by the ten thousand! This made Saul angry—very angry. He took it as a personal insult. He said, ‘They credit David with ‘ten thousands’ and me with only ‘thousands.’ Before you know it they’ll be giving him the kingdom!’ From that moment on, Saul kept his eye on David.” This attitude led to actions. (1 Samuel 19:1 Message) “Saul called his son Jonathan together with his servants and ordered them to kill David.” Jealousy is often towards the person who the grace of God is with.

Now let’s go back to Saul’s family life. He had a wonderful example in his father who built a respectable family reputation. Kish must have set this example when Saul was young at the dinner table. Now let’s move forward to the dinner table of Saul the king sitting with his family. (1 Samuel 19:10 Message) “He was sitting at home, his spear in his hand, while David was playing music. Suddenly, Saul tried to skewer David with his spear, but David ducked. The spear stuck in the wall and David got away.” Saul did not learn this open display of violence from his father. He then turns to his own son Jonathan. (1 Samuel 20:30 Message) “Saul exploded in anger at Jonathan: ‘You son of a slut!” Saul is cussing-out his own wife, Jonathan’s mother, in front of the family. (1 Samuel 20:33 Message) “Saul threw his spear at him to kill him. That convinced Jonathan that his father was fixated on killing David.”

When you are personally disrupted, losing perspective, it can turn to violent anger at home. What followed was a distortion of spiritual awareness. (1 Samuel 28:7 Message) “So Saul ordered his officials, ‘Find me someone who can call up spirits so I may go and seek counsel from those spirits.” God-fearing Saul had no more fear of God. The equivalent in our culture of spiritual life would be godly men and women losing focus in ‘whom’ they believe to measures of faith in faith. When you lose the comfort of home the alternative is destructive. In the extreme of Saul’s chaotic life, this led to suicide. (1 Samuel 31:3-4 Message) “The battle was hot and heavy around Saul. The archers got his range and wounded him badly. Saul said to his weapon bearer, ‘Draw your sword and put me out of my misery, lest these pagan pigs come and make a game out of killing me.’ But his weapon bearer wouldn’t do it. He was terrified. So Saul took the sword himself and fell on it.”

All the human relationships that bring an individual into a sense of community and purpose were severed leaving nothing to live for. The only frame of reference left is – self. Saul was completely separated from his family and relationships in the community of Israel. A man with the national crown but nothing left to live for. This principle of isolation, no sense of purpose, and human relationship are common among those who take their own life.

But what about the ultimate question? Does a Christian who commits suicide go to heaven? I am not considering mental illness, euthanasia, or heroic death to save the lives of others (flight 93). I am not considering the boy that Jesus delivered who repeatedly attempted to take his life by throwing himself in fire, because he was tormented by demons. These areas need careful examination in a different context. I am considering the Christian who, like King Saul, becomes isolated from community, support, a sense of purpose, and human relationships. To answer this ultimate question, I need to ask another question: Do homicide and suicide have the same consequence?

To answer this question, I must look at the Sixth Commandment. (Exodus 20:13 NIV) “You shall not murder.” (KJV 1611) “Thou shalt not kill.” (Message) “No murder.” Has there been a total hypocrisy for 5000 years since Moses received the Law? Did the leaders of Israel send out their men to defend the city with lethal force only to feel condemned for taking a life? The Hebrew translation of this Commandment does not read ‘kill’ but ‘murder.’ Jesus confirmed this (Matthew 19:18 NIV) “Do not murder.” (KJV 1611) “Thou shalt do no murder.” (Message) “Don’t murder.” David was a man after God’s own heart and the people sang his praises for killing tens of thousands. But Nathan the prophet condemned him for murdering Uriah the husband of his mistress Bathsheba. When Jesus met the centurion whose job it was to defend with lethal force he commended him (Matthew 8:10) “Taken aback, Jesus said, ‘I’ve yet to come across this kind of simple trust in Israel, the very people who are supposed to know all about God and how he works.”

The Bible permits a country to defend itself with lethal force and to take the life of the enemy but it condemns murder. This may sound too simple, but a murderer like David can repent while living, whereas a person that takes their own life has no chance of repenting afterwards. (Hebrews 9:27 NIV) “Everyone has to die once, then face the consequences.” Is suicide ‘killing’ or ‘murder?’ Based on the definition of the sixth Commandment suicide is murder – therefore wrong.

The question of whether a Christian who takes their own life, goes to heaven or not, has to be answered theologically and not culturally, morally, or emotionally. Entrance into heaven in spite of how life ended on earth is through Jesus. (John 11:25-26 NIV) “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.” (John 14:6 Message) “Jesus said, ‘I am the Road, also the Truth, also the Life. No one gets to the Father apart from me.”

 

The question is not how life ended on earth but did we accept the life of Jesus while living? Jesus said that we must be born again (John 3:16 Message) “This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life.” This is the defining thing that will matter when we stand before God: Jesus gives eternal life to all who will ask – did you? He does not change it at some point to be temporary life. Suicide does not change the grace of God.

Believing that God created human life, we have to be careful how we approach our own life. (Genesis 9:6) “Whoever sheds human blood, by humans let his blood be shed, because God made humans in his image reflecting God’s very nature.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) “Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.”

The cost for this to happen was the death of Jesus where mercy and judgment contend in one person, not a judge and jury. Because of this eternal sacrifice, all judgment has been entrusted to Jesus because in him, our sacrifice, we find our atonement. The single feature of that atonement is an acquittal of sin. The Old Testament image is a man running into the presence of God and clinging to the horns of the altar pleading for mercy, in other words, ‘God help me!’

(James 2:13 NIV) “Mercy triumphs over judgment.” This is where the atoning (acquitting) blood was. Suicide is never an option to end life and the devastation it leaves in those who are left behind is tremendous. There are many ways our lives could end; old age (Frank Buckles 2011), sickness (Ronald Reagan 2004), accidental death (David Wilkerson 2011), an act of war (Pat Tillman Jr. 2004) and even homicide (Jon Benet Ramsey 2003). However, when we die it does not change the life that we have been given. (Psalm 116:15 NIV) “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.”

Does a suicide who is a Christian go to heaven? God knows and I’m not God. But I am confident in the grace of God that what I have entrusted to him (my sinful life in exchange for an atoned-for life) he is able to keep until the day I stand before him (2 Timothy 1:12). Therefore, I cannot, and must not, take into my hands what I have entrusted to his hands.

Final thoughts: As a former Police Chaplain, I have seen multiple suicides. Each one has been in the context of desperation. I would often wonder, and still do, if Jesus was standing with the family and friends weeping with them as he wept over Lazarus (although Lazarus did not take his life), or whether he would take the position of a dogmatic condemnation? My biblical conviction is the former, not the latter. (Psalm 139:17 Message) “Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful! God, I’ll never comprehend them! I couldn’t even begin to count them—any more than I could count the sand of the sea.”