If other animals were as observant of our behavior as we are of theirs, we would look far more bazaar than they do to us. For example, they might say, “Wise One, why do you continue to eat the pepper that burns your tongue and makes you cry?” Or maybe: “We have noticed many of you plunging into the icy water during winter. With the exception of a few members, none appear to have the adequate body fat to safely do this yet still do (and you insist on calling it a “polar bear” club).
“Benign masochism” was coined by psychologist Paul Rozin and friends to describe all those things humans do because the “negative” emotions they elicit feel good (Rozin et al., 2013): riding a roller-coaster or skydiving (fear); eating a ghost pepper or plunging into an icy lake (pain); watching a RomCom or listening to plaintive music (sadness). “Humans and only humans get to enjoy events that are innately negative…,” says Rozin (Gorman, 2010). The thing that turns pain in to pleasure for humans is our ability to step out of the present moment – to know we are safe, despite our physiology telling us otherwise. As Rozin put it, “Mind over body. My body thinks I’m in trouble, but I know I’m not.”
As we crossover from skydiving to chick-flicks to peppers to BDSM, we should keep this fact about us in mind. At some level, some point, pain and pleasure no longer run parallel to one another but merge. True, for some folks this goes no further than spicy salsa. For others, though, the appetite to be sated isn’t for food but for sex – and salsa just doesn’t cut it.
Action!: Into the Dungeon
Many people already practice a form of self-expression that isn’t too far from some BDSM. A tattoo is one of those things where the mind overrides the body’s knee-jerk reaction to flee: It says, “Don’t worry, Body, everything is fine. This pain is for a good cause.” The good cause with a tattoo is of course the tattoo itself. With certain BDSM involving pain, it is sexual or sensual pleasure (Wismeijer & van Assen, 2013). In BDSM as in tattooing, the relationship between those involved is a consensual one (Pitagora, 2013). (In some cases and places you can actually pay somebody to do whatever is in your “arousal template,” to use BDSM jargon that makes one think a social scientist is on staff [Lindemann, 2013].) And as in BDSM as in tattooing, the giver of pain only does so in a prearranged, desirable way. Tattooing can be unhealthy to the body if the wounds aren’t taken care afterwards or if the artist is sloppy. The same, of course, goes for BDSM.
Even though some BDSM is no more unhealthy than a tattoo and some is even less so, it has potential to go far beyond this. Certain BDSM acts – asphyxiation, bloodletting, burning, “genitortue” (what it sounds like), defecation/urination/vomiting, just to name a few – pose serious health risks. Fans of BDSM aren’t oblivious. “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” and “Risk Awareness Consensual Kink” are recurring credos (Pitagora, 2013). Because of how risky and taxing some BDSM is, caretaking or “aftercare” often takes place after the activity. Aftercare is to keep “drop” from happening: “feelings of sadness, remorse or guilt, physical shaking or chills, crying and simple but profound exhaustion (Moore, Pincus, & Rodemaker, n.d.).” Health risks, then, are part and parcel of BDSM.
But even “vanilla” or non-BDSM sex can lead to injury, disease, and even death in some cases. And many non-sexual things hurt like hell – intense exercise, tattoos, peppers, joining the Polar Bear Club, etc. – but we endure them simply because they hurt so good. BDSM, then, in some ways resembles diving into an icy lake with your Polar Bear buddies. Jumping into an icy lake can be physically unhealthy, physically unsafe. But mentally unhealthy? We might joke around and say these people are crazy, but we wouldn’t tell them to see a psychiatrist. Whether it’s a joke or not when a fan of BDSM is called crazy isn’t so clear.
There are parallels between what the DSM has said about homosexuality and BDSM (Kelsey, Stiles, Spiller, & Diekhoff, 2013; Pitagora, 2013). A transition from “disorder” to “normal” is happening with BDSM, just like with homosexuality. The American Psychiatric Association now agrees that, “Most people with atypical sexual interests do not have a mental disorder” (American Psychiatric Association [APA], 2013). But before this was made clear, misunderstandings and prejudices led to misdiagnoses, not to mention legal losses, over the years (Pitagora, 2013). Now, paraphilia is diagnosed when somebody “feel[s] personal distress about their interest,” and not just guilt or shame because of societal norms. Another criterion is if somebody is a sadist outside of the role-playing framework of BDSM. That is, if somebody enjoys causing a non-consenting person harm or pain.
Professionals outside the psychiatric community but within BDSM seem to agree here. Role-playing and consent are central to this kind of sexual expression. Unfortunately, these are exactly the two things that are so often overlooked by the public and psychiatry (Buchanan, 2015). The media has exacerbated the problem (Kelsey et al., 2013; Weiss, 2006). As one researcher writes, the media often conflates “those who engage in consensual BDSM [and those] who perpetrate coercive acts of sexual violence” (Pitagora, 2013). A professional dominatrix put it another way: “There is a very big difference between being true to yourself and ruling with an iron fist…letting your desire for control, control you.”
It is often thought that, if BDSM floats your boat, then there must be something psychological wrong with you (Lindemann, 2013; Pitagora, 2013). Maybe this stems from physical or sexual abuse in childhood, some say (Kelsey et al., 2013). To date, though, nobody has found any major difference between those who practice BDSM and those who do not, in personality, attachment style, or subjective well-being (Wismeijer & van Assen, 2013). In fact, those who practice BDSM seem to have higher levels of subjective well-being and healthier relationships. This makes sense, say researchers, seeing how well-being is linked to “one’s own sexual identity and desires and being able to adequately and explicitly communicate these to sexual partners” (Wismeijer & van Assen, 2013). A BDSM couple knows what each other wants and likes because there’s an open, unabashed dialogue.
The human mind has the unique ability for overriding the body’s gut reaction. It’s this ability that got us to where we are now, here in the 21st century, enjoying our spicy salsa, roller-coasters, and kinky sex. But the mind also has another trick up its sleeve: Imagination. From early childhood onward, we flex our imagination-muscle; we create fantasy worlds, stories where we often play the lead role. BDSM incorporates both of these unique abilities: the overriding of knee-jerk reactions and imagination, with emphasis on the latter. “BDSM is often misconceived,” write researchers, “to be ‘all about pain,’ whereas it is more about games and play characterized by power, and humiliation” (Wismeijer & van Assen, 2013).
Of course, there is always the possibility that “play” could go too far. The script those practicing BDSM agree on before starting a “scene” could be crossed. This is where the “safeword” or “safe-gesture” comes in. A safeword acts as the scenes linchpin, a way for the director to call cut at any time. Normally, the director is the submissive. There is irony here: Although a person agrees to be dominated, they are “ultimately always in control of the scene” (Pitagora, 2013). And contrary to intuition and popular thought, the “letting go” of one’s control is itself a form of control, a form of empowerment (Prior, 2013). This supports the claim that BDSM is not about abuse, pain, or sexism – it is about role-playing, albeit risky role-playing.
And Scene: Where I Stand
I think modern medicine, and even BDSM aficionados agree this form of sexual expression is inherently unsafe. If it wasn’t, the BDSM credo – “Safe, Sane, and Consensual” or “Risk Awareness Consensual Kink” – would start with a different word. This is why I say some extreme, or “edge” BDSM practices are physically unhealthy. To put the human body through such intensity is contrary to everything we know about medicine.
Psychologically, though, I don’t think BDSM is innately unhealthy. It can cross that line, of course, just like a lot of things. I might double check to see if the stove is off before bed, but if after the fiftieth time I’m still not convinced it might be time to see someone. All the studies I’ve found on BDSM don’t point to any signs of childhood abuse, personality disorders, or less satisfaction with life. If anything, it’s the opposite. This leads me to believe, psychologically, BDSM is a healthy form of sexual expression.
Although BDSM superficially looks like sexual gratification through torture, there is a deeper meaning. Role-playing and consent are the backbone of BDSM. When these two things are taken out of the equation, that’s when you have pathology; that’s when you have abuse, violence, and rape. Trust in the other person(s), then, seems to be integral to BDSM. But is this is not the case for any relationship?
The Coney Island Polar Bear Club has a Q&A section on their website. One common question is “Can’t you get hypothermia [from swimming in freezing water]?” The Club’s answer: “It is possible to get hypothermia….[But] we know our limits and look out for each other.”
Might as well be talking about BDSM.
References
American Psychiatric Association [APA]. (2013). Paraphilic Disorders. Retrieved from http://www.dsm5.org/Documents/Paraphilic Disorders Fact Sheet.pdf
Buchanan, R. (2015). Fifty Shades of Grey London movie premiere picketed by domestic violence protesters. The Independent. Retrieved from http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/fifty-shades-of-grey-london-film-premiere-picketed-by-protesters-10043438.html
Club, C. I. P. B. (n.d.). Coney Island Polar Bear Club. Retrieved March 9, 2015, from http://www.polarbearclub.org/
Gorman, J. (2010). A Perk of Our Evolution: Pleasure in Pain of Chilies. New York Times. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/21/science/21peppers.html?pagewanted=all&_r=1&
Kelsey, K., Stiles, B. L., Spiller, L., & Diekhoff, G. M. (2013). Assessment of therapists’ attitudes towards BDSM. Psychology and Sexuality, 4(3), 255–267. doi:10.1080/19419899.2012.655255
Lindemann, D. J. (2013). Health discourse and within-group stigma in professional BDSM. Social Science & Medicine (1982), 99, 169–75. doi:10.1016/j.socscimed.2013.08.031
Moore, L., Pincus, T., & Rodemaker, D. (n.d.). What Professionals Need to Know About BDSM: Glossary of Terms. Nation Center for Sexual Freedom. Retrieved from https://ncsfreedom.org/images/stories/pdfs/Activist/BDSM_Pamphlet-Glossary_of_BDSM_Terms.pdf
Pitagora, D. (2013). Consent vs. Coercion: BDSM Interactions Highlight a Fine but Immutable Line. New School Psychology Bulletin, 10(1), 27. Retrieved from http://connection.ebscohost.com/c/articles/90546932/consent-vs-coercion-bdsm-interactions-highlight-fine-but-immutable-line
Prior, E. E. (2013). BDSM Power exchange. Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, 16. Retrieved from http://www.ejhs.org/volume16/BDSM.html
Rozin, P., Guillot, L., Fincher, K., Rozin, A., & Tsukayama, E. (2013). Glad to be sad, and other examples of benign masochism. Judgment & Decision Making, 8(4), 439–447. Retrieved from http://journal.sjdm.org/12/12502a/jdm12502a.html
Weiss, M. D. (2006). Mainstreaming Kink: The Politics of BDSM Representation in U.S. Popular Med…: Library Search. Journal of Homosexuality, 50, 103–132. Retrieved from http://eds.b.ebscohost.com.ezproxy.stedwards.edu/eds/detail/detail?vid=12&sid=dc6707ea-4e47-4b3d-a660-d499e19166aa%40sessionmgr114&hid=104&bdata=JnNpdGU9ZWRzLWxpdmUmc2NvcGU9c2l0ZQ%3d%3d#db=psyh&AN=2006-08529-006
Wismeijer, A. A. J., & van Assen, M. A. L. M. (2013). Psychological characteristics of BDSM practitioners. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 10(8), 1943–52. doi:10.1111/jsm.12192
GREAT blog post! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Very clever and well written. Oh, and really cool website, too! Nice job, Nick. Dr. V
Two research articles included for Side A 5/5 pts
Two research articles included for Side B 5/5 pts
Summary of Side A and Side B 20/20 pts
Who you agree with and why? 15/15 pts
(Include strengths and weaknesses)
APA Formatting/ Grammar/ Length 5/5 pts
Total 50/50 total