August 2017 archive

Journal Entry 8/30/17

It has been 11 days since I left Houston and it has been bumpy. I love Austin so much and the culture throughout the city. But after hearing and seeing Hurricane Harvey destroy hometown, I was consumed with worry for my friends and family. Schoolwork is being a great distraction for my worries of Houston. Also, I met a nice boy, Kale. I met him on Monday while I was with my friends dorm in UT. We went to Don Japanese Kitchen. He was great to talk to, but he was real hard at keeping a conversation with so I had to work hard. We went back to the dorm after we ate and we talked and he was just SUPER ADORABLE. I just wanted to stay at UT all night with him. However it passed midnight so I had to leave for my science seminar in the morning. All night that night I thought of him and snapped him some. I snapped him that “I made it home but my roommate (Alex) was being an asshole (which he wasn’t, I was trying to make conversation)”. He replied with “stay here” and that made my night. I was like screaming in my head OMG DID HE JUST SAY THAT?. I was giggly the whole night with him swirling in my mind. But my morning turned worst. It was Tuesday morning went to crap. I snapped him in the morning and I was left opened. I was sad the morning. I know I’m not suppose to like be sad about it, but it just happened and so I hated myself for being sad about that. I decided to distance myself from these feelings so I wont get so heart-strung and devastated if he didn’t like me back. So the rest of the day I was trying to keep my mind of off him which eventually I did. I forgot about his existence and went on with my life. Wednesday was THE DAY. I loved Wednesday cause I was gonna find out if he liked me or not. I shrunk my feelings and now I barely had an interest with him, or so I thought. I kept myself convinced that I had little feelings for the business major guy in UT. I soon found out that I was lying to myself this whole time. I had feelings but not a crush so it wasn’t THAT BAD. I had asked my friend to find out if he was into me or not. But the sooner I waited the less I cared. So the night of she was talking to him, but I was already uninterested with him at this point. I barely cared for his answer and just wanted to move on to another boy already. I get a texted from her and guess what she says. “He has a gf”. I wasn’t THAT devastated to hear the big news. I think I was more relieved than anything. I didn’t have to worry about if he liked me or not which could let me move on. However I’ve taken in interest in this guy on my floor. His rosey cheeks and cute glasses and nice cut hair make him adorable. He’s a math major so its not my cup of tea but it doesn’t matter it’s diversity so why not. I don’t know about these feeling but it’s something I can explore this year. I don’t know if hes gay but it doesn’t matter because I need to keep my distance so when I do FIND out, I won’t be too sad about it. So the big picture is that its hard to date when you’re gay because you have find out if they’re gay or not and that is hard because you can’t ask straight up like that because if they ARE straight that is SUPER OFFENSIVE so it’s a 50/50 chance and that is a big chance to find out so you need to do some digging. Ask the people that you met through them to find out or see their social media if it says anything about their sexuality. It’s just a super long process that I would not like to go through but I have to. So Good Luck Dr. Haynes!