I feel like my expert hours in relationship to my use of practice time has been somewhere between, consistent and uneven, if there even is an in between. Some weeks I feel like all I’m doing is projects for my GDES classes because I’m still learning illustrator. Then some weeks I feel like I’m mostly doing other school work with a little time to work on my own stuff. I have been hesitant to work on my own projects because I feel like I suck, but I’ve been trying anyways. I started making these little Halloween designs in illustrator to keep practicing. I also carry around a sketchbook and doodle in the classes that are godawful boring, like speech.
I can confidently say that the sophistication of my work is medium-aware. I judge my work way more than anyone else. That’s honestly been something I’ve been struggling with unfortunately. I start to create something but start all over because I just imagine what other people are making and it sometimes feels like I’m not on the same level as anyone else. But that is slowly changing. Last year I hated to work that I created and actually threw most of it away because looking at it would make me cringe. This year I’ve noticed that I’ll have moments of excitement when I’m working, because I actually like what I am creating.
I love love love feedback, but I don’t always agree with everyone. I like getting feedback at the beginning of projects (When I get stuck the most) because there’s so many directions that I can take it. When it’s later in the project though I find it hard to listen to my classmates feedback because I already have a pretty good idea of what I want it to look like and how I am going to tackle the rest of the project. If I am really having a hard time I will listen, or if it’s tiny little details, but there have been a few times when someone will give advice on how I can change it and I just don’t agree at all. So I guess I would place myself at Useful-improved.
The amount that I challenge myself is somewhere between Intense-beyond and Medium-there. I really want to grow as a designer. one of the things that stress me out the most, is the thought of me not being as good as everyone else. I know I just have to push myself out of the little box that I live in but it’s something I have stuck to all my life to make sure things go right. I’m trying to challenge the way I think about things. I’m even reading a book about buddha and opening the mind (which Mali let me borrow). On the latest GDES project I had to tear apart things that I had made to make new ones and that was really challenging for me, but in the end I created something that I was proud of. If I didn’t have other non-GDES classes and work I feel like I would have more time to challenge myself, but it’s definitely better than last year (The amount of time I can work on projects that is).
The amount of other expert experiences has been limited, mostly class work. I am trying to challenge myself by doing more work but my time is limited. I honestly don’t know how my peers have so much time to work on the GDES/Art projects. I feel like I am always doing something for school (I usually get like one day out of the week to just do nothing). I’ve been trying to take some of that time out of the day to work on outside projects. This will be a work in progress I am going to have to learn how to do this….
My Social Emotional development has been a little all over the place, Young. I just recently stopped taking my birth control (TMI, whatever), and I guess it’s messing with my hormones because some days my anxiety/dep will be so bad that I literally want to itch out of my skin. I have found that I am more awkward in social situations which isn’t really like me. Other than that though I try to keep my school life semi professional. I’m kind of in this weird place where I want to be professional but my strong personality makes me come off as a bitch so I guess i’m trying to deal with that but it’s difficult. Everyone struggles with their identity at some point and I guess I’m having this problem now. It doesn’t tend to have any effects on my school work though. School has always been extremely important to me, being the first person in my family to go to college. Some days I won’t show up but I always get my work done.
I feel like I give good feedback at crit. I have gone a little out of my comfort zone to talk to new people in class who I didn’t talk to last year. I’ve been trying to not come across as a mean while giving my honest opinion (like I mentioned before) so I’m not really sure how I come across to other students and how that affects the atmosphere in the classroom. I always participate and give my opinion, so I would place myself at Room temp.