I frequently become self conscious of my ideas. This happens particularly when I’m trying to express more personal or taboo concepts, such as my struggles with depression and anxiety. I fear that because of how open art is to interpretation, the piece will be tied into the viewer’s perceptions of me, which I worry will be inaccurate. With pieces as personal and intense as those relating to mental illness, these misinterpretations can lead to people applying stigma to me, and becoming overly concerned or condescending. I also have certain aspects of art, specifically those I consider to be more design oriented that I fear I’m not as good at. This includes things such as layout or color palettes, which I’m afraid people will judge negatively in my work.
In regards to the nothing to lose attitude, I don’t personally enjoy it. While it has its benefits in that you don’t get stuck on any one thing for too long, and through the production of many works of art you are frequently able to make at least some incredible works, I feel that as an attitude in art and in life it holds no value for me. I absolutely respect those who do hold value in it, but to me this sort of passive, fleeting acknowledgement of the world seems very inefficient in a way. That’s not really the right word, but I feel like without certain areas of strong opinion, and passion, and resistance, we are not able to understand the world in the same way, because we cannot lend significant meaning to aspects of the world. I guess art doesn’t have to mean anything, but I do think it should help people find meaning in something, and I really hope to be a part of that experience, both in the art of others, and in my own.