I Am very sorry to see any of the Readers of this Paper so impatient, that they cannot give leave to have the proper parts of this history, take their full Extent.
’Tis endless to repeat the many Interruptions the author has met with, from Gentlemen of sundry Opinions; some say we injure the Hungarians, some the Emperor; tho’ the Author presumes neither can be prov’d: Some say ’tis an unpleasant History, and some have nothing to say, but that ’tis too long: To these Lovers of Novelty, he can say but little, but the main Objection is, what’s all this to the Affairs of France?
To these Gentlemen I would reply, by asking them a Question, what’s the Description of a Mill? What’s the Picture of a Bridge, without laying down the Draught of the River that attends it? – The Author can never be charg’d with Incoherence in the Story he tells, till the Gentlemen have heard it all told; and they whose Patience will not permit them to go thro’ with it, are like to be little the Wiser for what they have read.
’Tis the Application makes the Sermon; if I do not bring the Coherence of the Story to be as plain as the Story it self; if I do not make it answer my Title; if I do not make the Affairs of France appear in a Connection with those of Hungary; if I do not make it appear, that the King of France is as really a Party in the Hungarian Revolt, as in the Bavarian, and as effectually concern’d in the Battle near Lanisia, in Lower Hungaria , as that of Hockstet in Franconia; nay, if I do not make it out, that a Review of the Affairs of France would have been imperfect, without this Hungarian Story; and that the Title would have been absurd, and should rather have been a Review of some of the Affairs of France; If I do not perform all this by the end of the Story, then I do nothing; and am content to have it call’d a needless Digression.
However, to make these Gentlemen amends, Who seem too much cloy’d with History, and who have so much Mercury in their Fancies, that they cannot bear a long Story; and withal, because the Business of the Society a little encreases upon them – they will be Gratified this time with something more of the Operations of the Club, than usual.
ADVICE from the Scandal. CLUB.
Among a great deal of serious Business which Employ’d the Society this Week, the following Poem, no less Mournful in subject, than Diverting in Wit, was sent us. The Author makes the Gentleman that sent it, one Request; and those that read it, another.
To the Person sent it, He humbly asks his Pardon, for altering one word in the eighth Line,  which he will find by his Copy; and which, as he Apprehended, marr’d the Grammar as well as the Poetry; and forc’d a turn of Expression in the next line. As this had not been done, could he have sent it to the Gentleman to Correct it himself; so ’tis an assuming Step, which he thinks he ought not to take, without making a Publick acknowledgment for.
The Request to the Reader, is in behalf of the Answer, which the Author having no more time, than while the Printer staid for it, the paper being then in the Press; he hopes the want of more time, than half an hour, will Atone for all the Poetical Errors; and he promises Amendment next time.
ADVICE from the Scandal. CLUB.
YOU having plainly declar’d in Favour of Rhime, I thought this might be acceptable to you as such; tho’ It doth not pretend to all the Niceness of English Poetry: And being form’d walking in the Hurry of the Court of Requests, I hope all the Imperfections will be overlook’d. If you think it fit to appear in the Review, you’ll answer my Intention; not for Ostentation Sake, but only as it may awaken a better Genius to cultivate the Subject.
Speak, Venerable Club, declare the Cause,
Why Englishmen alone insult their Laws?
Why Sacred Rites are mobb’d and ridicul’d?
Our States-men banter’d, and our Clergy fool’d?
Declare – – what pleasing Vice still tempts us on,
In spight of Law and State to be undone.
Not so, the better Genius reigns abroad,
Where Men submit to Monarchs as to God:
What there appears to be the Sovereign Will
Th’obedient Subjects eagerly fulfill:
And if their Int’rest shares in the Commands,
Unask’d, they offer their Assisting Hands.
Britannia’s Sovereign’s Union recommend,
But British Hands, her poor Britannia rend.
How with repeated Earnestness she speaks!
In what Pathetick Strains her Wishes breaks!
“Britons behold! The Goddess stands in View,
If you her pious Dictates wou’d pursue,
She’ll make you truly great, and easie too.”
Full thrice I’ve heard that Tender Sovereign Voice
Propose the Goddess to the Nations Choice:
Rejected twice, beware the Fatal Three,
Left that the Nations Climacterick be.
YOU that to our Dull Oracle Descend,
Would you know why the Men of Power Contend?
Why Peace and their own Int’rest Men despise,
And value not their Sovereigns Call, or their
Dear Countries Cryes?
Reflect, Inquiring Mortal, on the Times,
’Tis all t’Enrich themselves, or hide their Crimes.
Guilt forms flagitatious Parties, who Combine,
Detecting Justice, so to Undermine:
And Int’rest raises Civil War,
That in their Countries Ruines they may share–
States-Men are Gamesters, Sharp and Trick’s the Play;
Kings are but Cullies wheadl’d in to Pay;
The Courtiers Foot-balls, kick’d from One to One,
Are always Cheated, oftentimes Undone.
Knaves make their Fortunes by the Crown,
And ruine Honest Men’s to raise their own.
Men value not the Nations Fate,
If they by Mischief can be great;
Wou’d you enquire the Wondrous Why,
The Reason of the Monstrous Villany;
Go ask thy Soul why it dare Sin,
Enquire the reason of the Vice;
Ask how it comes to pass, Prodigious Man
Can Heaven and his own Benefits despise?
’Tis all because Mankind are Rogues by Birth;
Would Heaven Insult and plague the burth’ned Earth,
Born with corrupted hearts and blinded Eyes,
That choose Destruction, and are Slaves to Vice;
Abhor their Friends, and scorn that bounteous Hand,
Tho’ their own Ruin’s in the general Blast contain’d.
In vain the Queen,
In vain a Voice from Heave had been,
Unless concurring Sovereign Grace had joyn’d,
So many Party-Devils act us all,
The Plague’s so Epidemical;
We will in Spight of Heaven and Queens be lost,
And Damn the Nation, whatsoe’re it cost.
The Society have met with some Reflections lately, as if their Answers are not so Pleasing as they used to be – and the greatest Reason they have yet met with, is, That they are too Grave, and not Merry and Diverting enough.
They are sorry if they do not Please, but are not convinc’d of the Fact; First, because they are not sensible of the Reason: and Secondly, they do not find it in the Consequence, since more of the Paper is bought than ever, and more Letters and Cases sent than ever, insomuch that even Supplement and all, they have hardly room to crow’d in any of their own Observations.
However, lest somebody should still Object, they desire them to consider, That as there are other sorts of Entertainment, and Diversion, than meer Mirth, so they may observe, That they have frequently now more weighty Subjects laid before them, than usual; and they cannot imagine People should expect a Light Answer, to a Serious Question.
For Example, the Story in a late Review, of a Man formerly guilty of Murther; they cannot imagine any Man could expect us to make a Jest of it, and give an Answer not to satisfy the Enquirer, but to make the Reader Laugh.
The Society are willing to jest with Men’s Follies, but not with their Misfortunes; a serious Question will always extort from them a serious Answer; and when there is occasion to make them merry, they will not want it; as may be seen by the following Story.
A late Author brought the following Letter to the Society, Complaining of the Abuse put upon him in it, in desiring him to write Books to Affront Magistrates, in Order to draw him in, to forfeit his Recognizance.
Octob. 25. 1704
AS you have writ many a useful Satyr in your time, and are the Properest Person to be Address’d on this occasion; We humbly recommend to you a Title and Subject very proper for your Pen; the Title is, The L–d M–or turn’d Pyrate, the Subject is as follows.
The L– M– thinking he ow’d a great deal, as indeed all the Nation does, to the Merit of Sir G– R–; and supposing it an Honour to him, to have the World hear of his former great Actions; and finding a Gazette Printed in the Year 1652. spoke very much tot eh Advantage of that Gentleman; causes that Gazette to be Privately and Clandestinely Reprinted and Publish’d, tot eh known Prejudice of the Person, whose Property it is; and as that way of Printing other Mens Copies is Term’d PIRACY by the Printers and Booksellers, We think he deserves to be brought before your Club; and we desire also he may be Summon’d to answer the following Queries.
1. Whether instead of a Compliment to Sir G– R–, it was not an Affront to him; in supposing his former Worth and real Merit, was not well enough known, and remember’d too, by the English Nation, that he should take such a little, low step to remind them of it?
2. Whether, if Sir G– R– had never perform’d any thing Great before, this last Action was not enough to his Honour, without searching his former Performances?
3. Whether the L– M– has not cast a slur upon the late Victory at Sea, in going back to raise a Character to our Admiral, from Actions done under the Command of another, when his Fame is sufficiently rais’d by fresher Performances, wholly his own?
4. Whether the L– M– ought not to be Indicted, for Printing a Paper with these words, Publish’d by Authority, which he had no authority to Publish?
5. Whether his L–ship ought not to make Mr. J–s Satisfaction for picking his Pocket?
6. Whether his L–ship has not by this Action, as well as many others, wonderfully advanc’d the Honour of the chair, and left a Worthy Example to all Magistrates which shall succeed him?
The Society were very loth to meddle in this Affair, but as they have formerly agreed, that Pyrating of books, and Printing other Mens copies, is a Base, Villanous Practice, and Punishable by the Law – they were in hopes, for the sake of the Person, the Story should not be true; and if it be, they care not to meddle with it, but refer the Proprietor, as the Person aggriev’d, to take his Remedy at Law.
The Colchester Justice is humbly desired to accept of the promise of his Story repeated, in the next Review, the more weighty Affairs of this paper not admitting it.
An Extraordinary Petition from the Worshipful the renter Wardens, &c. of the Stationers Company, had been inserted in this Review, but for want of room; the Gentlemen are Humbly desired to accept of the Account of it in the next; and ’tis hop’d the Story, like the Remainders of their plentiful Dinner, may keep cold.
WHereas in several Written News-Letters, dispers’d about the Countries, and suppos’d to be written by one Dyer, a News-Writer, and by Mr. Fox, Bookseller, in Westminster-Hall; it has falsly, and of meer Malice, scandalously been inserted, That Daniel de Foe was Absconded, run away, fled from Justice, had deserted his Security, forfeited his Behaviour; had been searched for by Messengers, could not be found; and more the like Scoundrel, Reproachful and Malicious Expressions: The said Daniel de Foe hereby desires all People, who are willing not to be impos’d upon, by the like Villainous Practices, to take Notice;
That the whole Story, and every part of it, is a meer Genuine Forgery, Injuriously and Maliciously contriv’d, if possible, to bring him into Trouble; That the said Daniel de Foe, being at St. Edmund’s Bury in Suffolk, when the first of these Papers appear’d; immediately wrote Letters to both Her Majesty’s Secretaries of State, to acquaint their Honours with his being in the Country, on his Lawful occasions; and to let them know, that on the least Intimation from them, he would come up Post, and put himself into their hands, to Answer any Charge that should be brought against him.
That as soon as his Business was over in the Country, he made his Humble Complaint of this unprecedented Usage to the Secretary of State, and had the Honour to understand, that no Officer, Messenger, or other Person had receiv’d any Order, Warrant, or other Direction, to Search for, enquire after, Take, Apprehend, or otherwise Disturb the said Daniel de Foe; or that there was any Complaint, Accusation, or Charge brought against him.
And further, having been inform’d, That Mr. Robert Stephens, the Messenger, had Reported, that he had an Order, or Power from the Secretaries of State, to Stop and Detain the said Daniel de Foe, and that he made several Enquiries after him to that purpose.
The said Daniel de Foe, hereby gives Notice, That as soon as he came to Town, and before his Application to the Secretary of State, as abovesaid, he went, and in the presence of sufficient Witnesses, spoke with the said Robert Stephens, the Messenger, as he calls himself, of the Press; and offering himself into his custody, Demanded of him, if he had receiv’d any Order, to Stop, Take, or Detain him; and he denyed that he had any such order, notwithstanding he had most openly, and in Villainous Terms, Reported before, that he would Detain him if he could find him; and had in a Scandalous manner made Enquiries after him.
The said Daniel de Foe having no other Remedy against such barbarous Treatment, but by setting the Matter in a Clear Light; thinks he could do no less in Justice, to the Government and himself, than make this Publication; and further, he hereby offers the Reward of Twenty Pounds, to any Person that will Discover to him, so as to prove it, the Author and Publisher of any of those Written News-Letters, in which those Reports were Publish’d, which shall be paid Immediately (upon such Proof made) at the Publisher’s of this Paper: Witness my hand.
Daniel de Foe.
ADvertisements are taken in by J. Matthews in Pilkington-Court in Little-Britain.
A D V E R T I S E M E N T S.
THe Royal Essence for the Hair of the Head and Perriwigs, being the most delicate and charming Perfume in Nature, and the greatest Preserver of Hair in the World, for it keeps that of Perriwigs (a much longer time than usual) in the Curl, and fair Hair from fading or changing colour, makes the Hair of the Head grow thick, strengthens and confirms its Roots, and effectually prevents it form falling off or splitting at the ends, makes the Powder continue in all Hair longer than it possibly will, by the use of any other thing. By its incomparable Odour and Fragrancy it strengthens the Brain, revives the Spirits, Quickens the Memory, and makes the Heart chearful, never raises the Vapours in Ladies, &c. being wholly free from (and abundantly more delightful and pleasant than) Musk, Civet, &c. ’Tis indeed an unparalled fine Scent for the Pocket, and perfumes Handkerchiefs, &c. excellently. To be had only at Mr. Allcrafts, a Toyshop at the Blue-Coat Boy against the Royal Exchange in Cornhill. Sealed up, at 2 s. 6 d. a Bottle with Directions.
*** A Doctor in Physick Cures all the Degrees and Indispositions in Venereal Persons, by a most easie, safe, and expeditious Method; and of whom any Person may have Advice, and a perfect Cure, let his or her Disease be of the longest Date: He likewise gives his Advice in all Diseases, and prescribes a Cure. Dr.HARBOROUGH, ( a Graduate Physician) in Great Knight-Riders-street, near Doctors Commons.
THe Monthly Weather-Paper: Being some Baroscopical Discoveries of the Alterations of the Wind and Weather, every Day and Night in November. 1704. to be continued, and Published at the beginning of every Month. By Gustavus Parker. Printed for Geo. Sawbridge, and sold by J. Nutt near Stationer-Hall. 1704.
THE Amours of Alcippus and Lucippe. A Novel. Written by a Lady. Printed for James Round at the Seneca’s Head in Exchange-Alley. 1704.